The father of my child just abandoned me—on Facebook, that is. He quit the social media machine, claiming it’s a time suck that has gotten less personal and more annoying over the years. I think he’s crazy. Without Facebook, how would I know which Scandal character I most resemble or what my old boss had for breakfast this morning?
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I’m a pretty active Facebook user, so it bothers me that my partner in life is not my partner online. He’s missing my witty one-liners, my Throwback Thursday photos (Hi-oh, slutty Halloween costumes!) and all the cute kid pics I post for the pure joy of it, and not at all as narcissistic “like” bait.
On Valentine’s Day, when my feed was flooded with everyone else’s boastful declarations of love, I felt a little left out. I mean, if you can’t tag your boyfriend, are you really in a relationship?
I don’t think my fiancé quite appreciates all that I do for him—on Facebook.
Plus, social media updating can be hard work, and I’m carrying the full load. As the sole representative of our family on Facebook, I’m responsible for ALL the Happy Birthday messages to our friends, ALL the RSVPs to parties and ALL the “liking.” Oh, that liking. My fingertips are raw! Online relationship maintenance is clearly a two-person job. I don’t think my fiancé quite appreciates all that I do for him—on Facebook.
Of course, there are some advantages to being left alone and unchecked on social media. For one, I don’t need photo approval. Sorry about that picture where I look hot and you have a weird trick-of-the-lighting double chin, babe. That’s just the way it goes!
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Another cool thing is that without Facebook dragging him down, my man has all this extra time to do things like make money and take care of our daughter. Just remember that I am totally holding up my end, what with all the super-sincere “Happy Anniversary you lovebirds!” and “Yum, that looks delicious” messages I scrawl on walls while he’s out doing real things.
Still, I miss the poking.