Stuff That No One Tells You

Letting Go of the Wheel

Why you should never tell a mom you've 'got this'

Photograph by Getty Images

When you are a mom to four children, over time you become accustomed to hearing certain words or phrases. Words and phrases that will leave you no option but to threaten to murder the next person who says either one of them.

There are just certain things you don’t say to the people who are in charge of making sure bad things don’t happen to you.

The phrase I hate the most? “Mom, relax, I got this.” The second most hated? Being told to “chill out.”

I don’t know what ignoramus started the rumor that it was a good idea to say these things to parents (and moms in particular), but this guy needs to be punched in the thorax.

There are just certain things you don’t say to the people who are in charge of making sure bad things don’t happen to you. You know why? We start to care less about your safety because you’re kind of being a jerk.

Case in point.

Don’t tell your mom that you “got this” if you’re in the following predicament:

1. Your head is currently stuck between two staircase railings.

Here’s a question for you to ponder while you’re in the midst of “getting this.” Was it easy to cram your head through the railings going in? And are you being paid a large sum of money, like on a dare? Because if the answer is no to either of these questions I’m not sure you've “got this” or anything else.

RELATED: Dropping Your Sick Kid Off at Daycare

2. You got a speeding ticket and failed to show up in court because you were just “too exhausted” to go. And because “no one goes the speed limit on that road—why is the speed limit 50 anyway?”

I hope you don’t mind the color orange and you better develop a liking to bologna. Relax, bologna tastes just like a rolled-out hot dog. You’ll be fine.

3. You stayed up until 3 a.m. the night before your college SAT to catch up on what’s going on with the Kardashians.

Your eyes are practically glued shut, and you just put your clothes on inside-out. You denied my offer to make you eggs and toast and instead are chugging a Red Bull. Good luck getting that early acceptance letter. Hope everything is OK with the Kardashians.

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