Positive Pregnancy Tests for Sale!

How to make cash for peeing on a stick

Photograph by Getty Images

Well folks, looks like there is a new business venture out there for moms who need extra cash. And the only skill you need to be a candidate for the job is to be pregnant.

The Daily Dot reports that women are making money by selling their positive pregnancy tests on craigslist. Yup, you just need to have that HcG in your p-e-e to “Make Money From Home!” or should I say, “Make Money From the Toilet!”

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It turns out that women are selling pregnancy sticks for a range of prices, from $20 and up per pee stick. Some are even going so far to as to advertise these magic, yellow wands as means to "play a trick on mom, dad or one of your friends" or to "get your boyfriend to finally pop the question."

Listen, I love to goof around and I’m all for a practical joke every now and then, but duping your boyfriend into thinking you are having his baby? And paying some stranger 25 bucks for her human waste to carry out the job? Whoa. I don’t want to say it, but, OK, I’ll say it—That ish is CRAY! And we don’t have to look into our crystal ball to see where that relationship is going. Either the man freaks out and jumps ship immediately or he hangs in or even proposes out of guilt. Neither scenario is the stuff that dreams are made of.

And the whole playing a trick on mom, dad or one of your friends? What’s that about? Forget short-sheeting your parents' bed. Why not show them a positive pregnancy test and taunt them with the idea that their daughter is about to be a teen mom? And, if you are a grown-ass woman, why not bring your in-desperate-want-of-a-grandchild parents to heartbreak and confused tears when they find out the punchline of the zinger of a joke. JUST KIDDING, mom and dad, I was just playing with you! And they all fall about with laughter.

I was pregnant for 10 months and I never once was asked to pee on a stick for money.

One seller stated on her ad, “Yes, you saw that right! I am selling positive pregnancy tests! Ever since I became pregnant, I have been asked numerous times for a positive test, so I decided to start charging for it! I will take the test the same day you want to pick it up! I don’t care what you use it for, not my business. ; )”

There are many points to touch upon here. First, who are these “several” people who have asked her for a positive test? I was pregnant for 10 months and I never once was asked to pee on a stick for money. And now that makes me wonder, what made this woman seem so stick-worthy and me not? Second, her ad sounds like an ad for Harvey’s Furniture Warehouse: “Same day delivery!” Third, it’s hard for me not to picture her, gallon water jug in hand, standing over a conveyor belt of pregnancy tests. Fourth, the end of her ad gets real “unlicensed street vendor” style as she whispers in a low, wheelin’, dealin’ voice, “I don’t care what you use it for, not my business.” But she did keep it all positive with the exclamation points at the ends of every sentence. She’s just a bubbly little thing, isn’t she?

And just when I thought that these whiz-wand wheelin’ moms were working at tearing down the moral fabric of society on their own, I then read on Celebrity Café that men are retaliating. One man recently posted an ad for “Sperm Free Semen.”

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His ad states: “Since ladies are selling their POSITIVE pregnancy tests. Here is your chance to get even. Tell her you're sterile and prove it with my semen. I got snipped 7 years ago and tested for verification last month. Your $125 gets a fresh sample delivered to your door. What you do with it is up to you.”

And to think, the only thing I’ve ever tried to sell on Craigslist is an end table. Clearly, I need to be more resourceful.

How do you feel about whizzing for money? Would you do it?

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