Step 1: Get bangs. They do wonders for hiding forehead lines. And they are flattering for most women and so much cheaper than Botox.
Step 2: Never leave the house without sunscreen on, no matter what the weather. I’m actually glad now that I’ve been such a pale face all my life, because I started wearing hats and sunblock when I was young to avoid getting fried. This is also the single most important thing you can do to prevent wrinkles and sun damage. There are also so many great, inexpensive options that you have no excuse not to use it.
Step 3: Remind my child and every other child with a tendency to blurt (which is, of course, practically every child you’ll ever meet) that if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. And that making comments about anyone else’s appearance, whether wrinkled or smooth, is never to be done within earshot. This is a valuable life lesson that will serve them well, and may help you (or so you may hope) prevent those dreaded moments in the grocery store checkout line when your little one shouts out, “Mommy, why is that lady so fat?”
Step 4: When asked how old I am by a child who should know better (see Step 3), I smile broadly and say in cotton-candy-spun tones, “Why, honey, I am 846 years old!” When they look perplexed or have the nerve to protest, I say, “OK, you caught me. I am only 693.”
Step 5: Embrace what nature (and nurture) have bestowed upon me. And this is why I’ve told my son that my crevasses are laugh lines that somehow showed up because I like to laugh and be happy. That the rest of them are lines of wisdom and experience that I earned as I dealt with whatever tribulations life has thrown at me. And that I’m proud of all this evidence that has been etched into my skin.
Still, I’m not sure he buys the last step. One night recently, when he rolled his eyes after I slathered on concealer, I said, “Well, if it’s a choice between getting you a new computer or me getting some Restylane, what should I do?”
He actually had to think about it. Then he looked at my hair.
“Mommy,” he said, “you really need to get your roots done.”
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