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Rediscovering the Diary of a Crazy Pregnant Lady

Not too long ago, I found one of my pregnancy journals.

Never heard of a pregnancy journal? It's a book in which expecting moms document the food cravings, nightly wacky dreams and monthly torturous weigh-ins of pregnancy. In other words, it's a journal full of writing, photo prompts and milestone documentation with which pregnant ladies torment themselves for the nine months before they get to start stressing about keeping up-to-date on writing, photo prompts and milestone documentation in the baby book.

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I immediately assumed this particular journal was from when I was pregnant with my first baby, since there was actually some stuff written in it (which is more than I can say for my subsequent kids). And as I read, it became increasingly clear that my assumption was correct based on how hilariously first-time-mom-ish everything was that I'd written.

Of course, that's easy for me to say now, after plugging away at this mom stuff for 12 years. I'm certainly not judging myself, or any first-time mom, for having these thoughts, feelings and questions — they're perfectly normal. But that didn't stop me from laughing at myself. A LOT.

So in case you've ever wanted a peek into the craziness that is a pregnant first-time mom, here are some actual, verbatim quotes taken directly from my journal:

"Questions to Ask the Doctor: What can I do about the nausea caused by my prenatal vitamins?"

LOLOLOLOLOLOL! Nothing.

"My mom said she bought me some maternity clothes. :) I can't wait until I need to wear them!"

Ahh, maternity clothes. Like Spanx, you can't wait to get into them at first — and then you just can't wait to get out of them.

"My Fourth-Month Doctor Visit — Weight = 168!!! <---EEK! I can't believe how big I'm getting!"

Uh, shut up, Me From 12 Years Ago — that's less than I weigh NOW.

"I love to prop my feet up and read about the stages of development."

If I had known that would be the last time I'd ever prop my feet up, I probably would have read one of those novels I'm always complaining I don't have time to read, instead of articles explaining what kind of walnut my fetus resembled.

"I am so tired ALL THE TIME!! It's sort of nice, though — I don't feel bad about going to bed early or sleeping in as long as I want (when I don't have to work). I've even enjoyed some afternoon naps!"

It's okay, don't get up. I'll punch me for you.

"I've been feeling kind of funny, so to be safe I stopped exercising for a few days."

What? I was exercising while I was pregnant?!? I don't even know who I am anymore. Note to First-Time-Mom-Me: I stopped exercising for a few days, too! That was eight years ago.

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"Tired by 9:00 every night!! It doesn't matter how long I sleep, I'm always tired!"

I think it's adorable that I thought that would go away. The only difference is that now I can barely stay awake past dinner.

"Last night I dreamt that I had the baby, but then I went right back to my pre-pregnancy lifestyle. I just spent all my time hanging out with my friends."

Wait, actually I don't see anything wrong with this one. That's still my dream.

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