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The 10 Types of Halloween Anxiety Moms Go Through

Of course kids love Halloween — it’s the most rule-breaking holiday of the year! Candy for dinner, staying up past bedtime and wearing dress-up clothes outside adds up to an epically spook-tacular night. But for parents responsible for all the planning and preparation, pulling off their kids' dream Halloween is no easy feat. Maybe not everyone is as neurotic as I am, but here are the sorts of issues I obsess over every October.

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1. I should have made a homemade costume. This store-bought crap makes it look like I don’t care.

2. I should have never attempted a homemade Halloween costume. This sewing machine is a death trap and my hand is going to wind up stitched into my kid’s outfit like a human centipede.

3. If I buy the pumpkin too early, it’s going to implode into a disgusting gelatinous mass that I’ll be scraping off our front stoop for months. If I buy the pumpkin too late, we’ll wind up with a butternut squash.

4. Could a candy apple lead to a cavity that causes root canal that necessitates dentures? I can’t have my kid being the only one in Kindergarten who has to put her teeth in at lunchtime.

5. I just know my daughter is going to get a raging head cold because she refuses to wear a jacket over her Halloween costume.

6. Speaking of which, am I going to have time to wash her chocolate-smeared costume tonight before she wears it in the Halloween parade at school tomorrow? Is it even washable or will it just dissolve into a pile of glitter?

7. Are we going to be the only parents in the neighborhood who didn’t partake in an elaborate family costume? Damn those Barkers and their matching Incredibles outfits. I’m willing to wear cat ears, but that’s as far as I go.

8. And if we both take our daughter trick-or-treating, will neighborhood hooligans TP our house?

9. What if this the year my kid asks me what ghosts are? I’m over 40 and I still don’t know exactly what I believe.

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10. I should never have committed to a costume a month before Halloween. And I should have predicted this would be the moment my daughter finally got sick of "Frozen." I’m not sure I’m creative enough to turn her Elsa costume into a vampire on such short notice.

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