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5 Easy Steps to Cut Your Baby’s Nails

Photograph by Getty Images

My child has talons that must be cut every other day. The nurturer in me thought, “I hope his brain is growing as fast as his nails.” I’m not an expert, but considering his favorite activity is sucking on my hair, I think it’s safe to assume that his brain is not growing as fast as his nails.

My husband refuses to cut our children’s nails. He also refused to breastfeed them. Fine! I guess I’ll just do EVERYTHING!

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My kids are now 2 and 4, so according to my calculations, I’ve cut their nails about eleventy-billion times. All of this experience has made me a master at the baby mani/pedi. I know the baby mani/pedi is stressful for a lot of parents … especially with newborns and infants. And I’d love to share my technique with you.

Items needed:

  • A baby with long nails
  • Something sharp (clippers work best)
  • A television with local cable channels

Instructions:

1. Put the baby in front of the television.

2. Turn on Japanese Game Show programming. (You’ll find it easily within your local cable channels.)

3. Focus on your baby. (If you pay any attention to what’s happing on the television you will get sidetracked.)

4. Begin clipping the nails. (You have a 3- to 5-minute window.)

5. Congratulations! You’ve just given your baby a mani/pedi.

As a reference, here is the type of programming you should be looking for:

Image via Filgifts

You may be thinking, “Is this girl sniffing glue right now?” No, I’m not. But that’s a fantastic idea and I’ll have to go do that once I’m done writing this. Trust me on this folks. It totally works. Why does it work? Because it totally screws with your kid. Everything in their little brain just freezes up. They don’t know if they are happy, sad, hot or cold. They just freeze up and stay that way for about 3-5 minutes. Plenty of time to do a baby mani/pedi!

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And that's me giving my son a manicure.

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