Whether it’s the garbage truck, my neighbors
blasting their music (even if it’s at noon on a Saturday), or the gardeners
mowing the lawn. Anything that ruins naps or my baby’s peaceful slumber is the
worst. They must all die. Because nobody messes with nap time. Nobody.
2. Swear words
I never really noticed before how many
people use swear words nonchalantly in their everyday language. Have a baby and
all of the sudden you find yourself glaring at these people from across your
restaurant table. Because of course the ones who curse are the ones who also
speak very loudly.
3. Long lines
I literally have a ticking time bomb in my
hands, and all I want to do is deposit that check. That’s it! Why is it taking
so long? Don’t people know my sweet sleeping baby could be awoken at any time
and start screaming his head off? Or have a blow out? Or need to eat, NOW? Move
it along, people!
4. Bad drivers
This is always an annoyance, but it seems to
be heightened even more once a baby comes into the equation. I have the most
precious of cargo now, and every moronic driver on the road doesn’t seem to
understand that! Just remember: No one else knows how to drive, so act
5. Children’s songs
I find myself humming the tune of "Wheels on the Bus" even when my baby is nowhere near me.
I don’t know why they have to be so
damn catchy, but I play a children’s song for my baby, and it proceeds to be
stuck in my head all day long. More times than not, I find myself humming the
tune of "Wheels on the Bus" even when my baby is nowhere near me. This is enough
to drive someone mad, I’m sure of it.
6. Sick people
Stay away from me and my kid if you even
have the slightest little cough! We do not want your germs, thankyouverymuch.
7. Forgetting things
Before kids, when I forgot something
at home, it didn’t really make a big difference. Now, if I forget one little
thing, it can equate to a meltdown. If you have a fussy baby with an attachment
to his pacifier and find yourself without said pacifier, the results can be
8. When people complain about having “nothing to do.”
you’re a parent, there is no such thing as having nothing to do. Take advantage
of it while you can! Lie on your couch all day long binging on Netflix shows!
Do it for me!
9. Strangers touching my baby
Please step away from the baby.
Did I give you permission to
put your hands all over my precious child? No. I did not. So please step away
from the baby and simply admire him from afar.
Before kids, it was easy to just
make a quick trip to the store to pick up some groceries if we were out. But
now, forget ever making a “quick trip” again. Nothing is quick when it involves
children. If we’re out of milk and the recipe calls for milk, let’s just say, I
might have to get creative. But if we run out of diapers, well, there is no
good substitution for that one.