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How Moms Are Like Superheroes

Photograph by Getty Images

Let’s just say it, moms are superheroes. Between the juggling work, school, activities, doing homework, keeping schedules, fighting picky eaters, wiping little tushies, shushing, chauffeuring, chasing, teaching and then finding time for ourselves on top of it all, we must regularly call upon a bevy of superhuman powers. We may not wear capes, or super tight spandex unitards, but we are a force to be reckoned with. And in case anyone wants to argue with that notion, how about we compare our skills to those of our favorite superheroes?

RELATED: The Hero's Journey Applies to Moms Too

Spiderman

“Spidey Sense” has got nothing on “Parent Perception.”

Spiderman can climb up walls and jump from building to building, but can he leap from slippery linoleum across the length of a kitchen in time to catch all five mini corn dogs mid-air before gracefully landing (face first) on the ground? And “Spidey Sense” has got nothing on “Parent Perception.” Sure, we can sense danger, but we can also sense shenanigans from several rooms away and also when a number 2 is nigh. Though we don’t shoot webs out of our wrists, we can shoot a mean “don’t even think about it…” look. And though we probably haven’t been bitten by a radioactive spider, we’ve definitely been bitten. And we’re sure that toddler teeth hurt WAYYY worse.

Superman

We can “fly” sort of. Mostly “off the handle.”

Superman is known for his superhuman strength. Well, we can carry a wriggling, kicking toddler in one arm and three bags of groceries in the other while hitting the unlock button on the car keys and not even being phased by the nine cars waiting for your spot in the Trader Joe’s parking lot. No, we may not be faster than a speeding bullet, but we can use the toilet in less than 1 minute flat. And we can “fly” sort of. Mostly “off the handle.” Caillou and carseat buckles are our Kryptonite. What you got now, Man of Steel?

Wonder Woman

Our Lasso of Truth is built into our beings, and it works hand in hand with our Mallet of Guilt.

Wonder Woman aka Princess Diana of Themyscira is a warrior princess of the Amazons. There’s no doubt that moms are warriors, too. Wonder Woman has superior combat and battle skills. We can navigate our way through a crowded Costco on sample day, and we will battle anyone to protect our kids. Wonder Woman also possesses a number of weapons including the Lasso of Truth which compels all that come into its contact to tell the truth. Our Lasso of Truth is built into our beings, and it works hand in hand with our Mallet of Guilt. She may have bulletproof bracelets, but we have learned to develop really great coping mechanisms (wine).

Batman

We can withstand hearing “MOMMY!” up to 78 times before we lose our shit.

In order to stop evil he must sometimes break the laws himself. Boy, do we know a thing or two about that. It’s called circumventing a disastrous tantrum in public by giving your 2-year-old gummy bears right before lunch or buying her the $14 Olaf toothbrush holder at the grocery store just so you can grab the last two items on your list. Just like Batman, we are phenomenal crime solvers, experts at interrogation and are known to use our frightening appearances to get answers. Batman intimidated with his triple weave Kevlar Batsuit and piercing stare. We use our “Look, I haven’t had coffee, or brushed my hair” half-about-to-rage, half-about-to-cry, but all the way around mentally infirm face. And as Batman can withstand mind control, we can withstand hearing “MOMMY!” up to 78 times before we lose our shit.

Invisible Woman

We moms can become “invisible” spies through all types of camouflaging techniques.

The Invisible Woman, aka Susan Storm can render herself as well as others invisible mostly for espionage purposes. We moms can become “invisible” spies through all types of camouflaging techniques—the “I’m asleep” technique sometimes works on older kids, the “move across the room behind a big overstuffed dog” maneuver is mildly successful with ages 3 and under, but we don’t really have to be invisible to spy effectively. I mean, it's well known that moms have eyes in the back of our heads. If we really wanted to, we could use our “cloak of invisibility” aka hide under our bed. We can also make others nearly invisible as we “pretend to not see” a lot of weird things that our kids do.

The Hulk

Yup, we can lay the Hulk Smash down.

Bruce Banner transforms into the Hulk, a big green humanoid, under severe emotional stress. We assure you, we have the capacity to turn into a big green asshole when pushed to the emotional limit. Yup, we can lay the Hulk Smash down. So stand down and be cool, and let mommy finish her coffee, please.

Storm

Moms can definitely control the temperature of the environment with their moods.

Storm has the psionic ability to control the weather. She can alter the temperature of any environment and can bring about tornadoes, thunderstorms and hurricanes. She can also dissipate bad weather and create clear, sunny skies. Moms can definitely control the temperature of the environment with their moods. When we are happy, it seems the household enjoys blue skies and sunshine. But when we’re stressed out or when our children have been crossed, hold on and take cover because a tsunami is about to hit.

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Elastigirl aka Mrs. Incredible

We too are known for shifting our shape.

She can stretch her body up to 100 feet and reshape her body in a myriad of ways. We too are known for shifting our shape in three trimesters of pregnancy and in the ups and downs of the battle with that pesky baby weight. We can also become paper thin when forced by a sprawled out toddler to sleep on a half-inch surface area of the very edge of the bed.

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