If you’re like me, you found the experience of pumping time-consuming, sometimes painful and a little bit humbling. Having a body part tethered to a whirring
pump at the office or at home is humiliating enough. Who needs the added taunting and teasing of
co-workers whose maturity level is equal to that of your brand new baby?
And if you’re also like me, you were more than happy to pump
and proud to be able to provide your baby with milk, but still found the
experience of pumping less than stellar. In fact, there are a ton of things that suck about being a pumping mom.
Here are nine of them.
1. It’s a big fat giant time suck.
New moms spend the bulk of their time, for a
long time, feeding their baby. Add into that the time it takes to be milked by
a whirring machine and you’ve got very little time left to do anything else.
2. It’s hard to feel sexy while pumping.
There are a lot of humbling things about having
a kid—like pooping on the table, those net underwear they give you to take
home, and maybe a stitch or two in your lady parts. Add milking yourself into
the mix, and you’ll be surprised you ever feel hot again.
3. The pump always comes out.
That hands-free bra sound amazing in theory until you make one small move while wearing it
and the entire things comes out from your boob and milk goes spraying and
4. The supply closet at work is all you get.
If you’re a working, pumping mom, chances are
your workplace doesn’t have a designated place for you to pump that’s
comfortable, clean and has a plug. So you’ll usually be relegated to the supply
closet, the broken bathroom stall or to
your office (the one without any curtains).
5. What to do with the milk afterward?
They call breastmilk liquid gold. If you’re
pumping, you will have worked as hard for that milk as a miner panning for
gold. Especially because once you pump, you may have no place to put the milk
6. Your co-workers might moo at you.
Since when is feeding your newborn something to get teased about?
bad enough you might be in a supply closet pumping. Now you have to worry about colleague teasing
you? Since when is feeding your newborn something to get teased about?
7. Your life is dictated by the schedule of your boobs.
Every nursing or pumping mom has been stuck on a plane or in
traffic and felt the effects of not getting the milk on time. You may have the
boobs you’ve always dreamed of, but they’ll feel like they’re going to burst if
you don’t pump them on time.
8. Your nips will never look the same again.
Pump often enough and your nips will look like a crime scene for the rest of
your life. It’s frightening!
9. You’ve got to schlep that pump everywhere.
You’ll only need a plug and some privacy to
pump on-the-go, but you’ll have to drag that pump around with you to make that
But no matter how many things that suck about being a
pumping mom you’ll still have one good thing that outweighs all the bad, you’re
doing something amazing for your newborn. Pumping isn’t easy and it takes a ton of time and dedication. So pat
yourself on the back. You’re doing a