It's not without reason moms joke about never getting to be alone in the bathroom—we really NEVER get to be alone in the bathroom! Or anywhere else for that matter. No
matter how much personal space you thought you needed, no matter how much you
used to blush when people openly discussed private matters, you just don't have
the luxury of being modest anymore.
news is that you get used to it! (That's good news, right?) They start
preparing you for it at your first OBGYN appointment.
Kids: You squirm uncomfortably when people have the nerve to ask if you're on
After Kids: You eagerly tell the nurse all the details about your last period (and when you
had sex last month) so you can find out the due date.
Kids: There's rarely a reason to say the word "cervix" out loud.
You freely answer the doctor's questions about cervical mucous by the fourth
month of your first pregnancy, mostly without even gagging.
Kids: A stranger catching a glimpse of your lady parts ranks among the most
embarrassing things you can imagine.
During the early stages of labor, you barely notice when the 15th random
doctor comes in to check how far you're dilated.
After kids, you have more important things to worry about—like shaving your legs before the toddler gets bored and decides to hop in the shower with you.
Kids: You shower alone with the door locked.
After Kids: You shower with a toddler constantly popping her head behind the curtain to ask
how much longer you're going to be in there.
Kids: Trips to the drug store to pick up feminine products are quick and
After Kids: Trips to the drug store sometimes involve your kid asking loud questions in the
checkout line about your "funny toothpaste" while holding up a tube
Kids: Public restrooms are a convenient spot to pee.
After Kids: Public restrooms are a convenient spot for your toddler to loudly ask why your
butt is so jiggly.
Kids: You'd never flash your boobs in public (except for that one time
during Mardi Gras).
After Kids: Your breastfeeding kid lifts your shirt in public at least 20 times a day.
Kids: Tampons are kept hidden discreetly in your purse.
After Kids: Your kids use tampons for sword fighting. At the dinner table. When you're out
at a restaurant.
Kids: The greatest danger to your self-esteem in a changing room is
After Kids: The greatest danger to your self-esteem in a changing room is your kid grabbing
your exposed tummy and gleefully exclaiming, "It's like Jell-O!"
get used to it. But better yet, most of the time it doesn't bother you nearly
as much as you might have expected before kids. Maybe because after kids you
have more important things to worry about—like shaving your legs before the
toddler gets bored and decides to hop in the shower with you.