Join Club Momme for exclusive access to giveaways, discounts and more!

Sign up

Eva Mendes and Mila Kunis Get This Right

Celebrity parents who skip hiring a nanny? What nonsense. How antiquated. How sending-the-wrong-message like. You know what I really say? How SENSIBLE.

New moms Mila Kunis and Eva Mendes haven't been shy about implementing a "No Nanny Right Now" policy for the early days of their now 6-month-old daughters' lives. And I've been freakishly elated about their unexpected stance.

Get it girls.

RELATED: My Daughter Loves My Nanny More Than Me

I'll start my defense with the most shallow explanation: I am a shameless sucker for celebrity moms. Sue me. Always have been, even before becoming a parent. (Blame my background in entertainment news. And maybe I have an extra-soft spot because of that time I interviewed Eva when I was literally 8-and-a-half-months pregnant, sweating on an outdoor hotel terrace in a purple dress in the middle of summer, and she didn't stop telling me how "adorable" I was during our interview. Hey, you hold onto the things that get you through challenging times, people. So I'm gonna hold onto that.)

But seriously: When Ashton Kutcher first broke news months ago about how he and Mila opted out of hiring a night nurse or nanny-type for the early months of their newborn's life, fans flipped. Same thing was questioned when Eva Mendes told the world she'd skipped the nanny route too. "What a terrible message to send women," the crowds roared.

Motherhood is a marathon, and running a marathon gets damn harder if early training was limited.

Really? Is wanting to stay at home with your new baby and take on the challenge of figuring out things for yourself a terrible message to send women?

We all know that motherhood is the hardest job of all. Anything that involves tapping into innate problem-solving abilities, mustering extra energy for the love of your family and daring yourself to have the courage to handle challenges that come with new babies (should you be financially stable, able and lucky to do so at the time) is a good thing in my book. Fabulous, in fact.

Here's the deal: for both of my babies, I (gratefully) had the option to stay home. (I worked from home, but I was, and have been, home.) I did all the night feedings, I did all the rocking, I handled all the middle-of-the-night shenanigans (which sometimes kept me awake almost all night, as those kinds of shenanigans do). All while my husband got his zzz's in our bed so that he could be properly functioning to work and save lives effectively the next day.

Very 1950's? Maybe. But it worked for us. And, it was my choice—a choice I will forever be thankful for even existing in my life.

Spend uninterrupted time with someone constantly, and you get to know them really well.

Yes, I was tired. Yes, I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs at times. Yes, I called a babysitter here and there when I needed a time to escape. But the flip side of not having consistently scheduled help around: I truly felt like I figured things out about my babies. I learned my babies' ticks. I learned my babies' tricks. I learned exactly what worked and what didn't when things went haywire in the way that things tend to sometimes go haywire with babies. I learned how to handle things on my own. Looking back, all those miserable nights pacing and patting a fussy baby on my shoulder, trying to get her to sleep after swaddling and re-swaddling and feeding again just for good measure, added up in a most surprising way.

Those minutes, days and months accumulated—the time I logged in what I call "hard-training" conditioned me in a way that I would not have been conditioned as a mother had I had constant help. Don't get me wrong: of course I still have issues and questions about how to handle certain things with my 3- and 4-year-old girls (Hello, that doesn't go away no matter what kind of parent you are), but because of the constant, one-on-one time, I was lucky to spend with them in those first months, I now feel more confident as a mom when it's my turn to make decisions. Spend uninterrupted time with someone constantly, and you get to know them really well. And I feel like they know me well because of it too (button-pushing skills included, but that's another post).

Motherhood is a marathon, and running a marathon gets damn harder if early training was limited.

Now before you start throwing dirty diapers at me, please know that I believe this from the bottom of my heart: we all need help whenever we find ourselves in need of help, period. Working moms need nannies, hands down. I myself might be a full-time working mom one day again. If that's the case, you bet I will hire help to keep my family thriving.

'I love the fact that the first three months, she and I were up every night. I figured her out and she figured me out and she now sleeps in her own crib in her own room.'

But seeking heavy childcare assistance from the time a child is born these days is seeming to get more and more common, even if the mom does not require childcare services because of career commitments. I can't help but question why.

My concern with automatically seeking hired help as a necessity from the get-go, regardless of what non-working situation might exist as a reality for the mother at the time, is that we're disempowering our own problem-solving skills as women and mothers, assuming that we won't be able to figure things out without a stranger telling us what to do and when. If celebrity stay-at-home moms can survive without a nanny, then I bet the rest of us can too. (Even those of us who live in Los Angeles.)

Mila Kunis dished to Ellen DeGeneres in early February 2015 (when baby was about 4 months old):

"When I go back to work full time and have to have 17-hour work days, I'm gonna need somebody to come and help me... I love the fact that the first three months, she and I were up every night. I figured her out and she figured me out and she now sleeps in her own crib in her own room. I will never have that time again so, for me, it was a really nice three months."

RELATED: Celebrity Moms Keep It Real

And I think that's admirable, empowering and really, really nice.

Share on Facebook?

Explore More: parenting styles, support parents
More from baby