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How My Baby Is Just Like My Cats

There are cat ladies (me) who call their cats their "babies" (also me). These cat ladies may or may not also own cat slippers and bright blue yoga leggings with cats all over them and also have three cats who are the cutest cutes that ever cuted.

Then there are the mothers of actual human babies who get all up in arms about this, and about the fact that there are people out there who are all "lol having cats totally prepares me for having children lol." Because human babies are exhausting, and how dare non-parents presume to know their struggle?

And then there is me. Yes, I am that first person. But I am also the mother of a 10-month-old and, the other week, I caught her licking the bottom of my boot.

RELATED: 11 Cats in Onesies (You Know You Wanna)

After a time, I began to realize that the boot-licking incident was not an isolated one. And with even more extended periods of observation, I had to concede that my baby had a lot more in common with my cats than I'd first realized:

1. Both my cats and my baby are super sleepy.

GIF via Tumblr

I could kiss my cats goodbye and leave for five days and, upon my return, still find them sprawled out in the same exact spot on my bed or in my office chair or on the living room couch. Similarly, I could put Em down for a nap and start working on something downstairs in my home office and, three hours later, suddenly realize my child has been unconscious for an eternity and oh my god should I check to see if she's still breathing?

2. Both my cats and my baby like to play with their food.

GIF via Tumblr

Though I suspect Em flings her food more out of a frustration at her inability to successfully bring things to her mouth than anything else.

3. Both my cats and my baby have the cutest little footsies!

GIF via reddit

I hate feet. I hate my feet. I hate it when my husband touches my bare leg with his bare foot (he does it on purpose just to agitate me). I hate close-up photographs of feet. But I will take my daughter's tiny footsie and kiss every single toe while she giggle-snorts, and I will do the same with my cats' paws.

4. At the same time, both my cats and my baby also have dagger nails.

GIF via Tumblr

I made the mistake of letting Em stick her finger in my mouth once and, I swear to god, I thought she was going to rip my face off. But—cats or babies—I just don't believe in declawing.

5. Both my cats and my baby prefer playing with garbage to playing with actual toys.

GIF via Cheezburger

The other week, we brought Em to the playground and she had a ball playing with my husband's empty milkshake cup. And the other day, she had the BEST TIME EVER playing with a plastic bag. Similarly, all my cats really want is an empty box. Forget the ridiculous cat toy that came in it. And forget swanky toys in general.

6. But when there is no garbage to be had, anything that crinkles will do.

GIF via Tumblr

Not five minutes ago, I had to stop Em from going for one of the cats' crinkle balls. I can't blame her, though. We regularly encourage her to play with crinkle books and crinkle leaves and all manner of other crinkly items.

7. Both my cats and my baby love gazing at themselves adoringly in the mirror.

GIF via Tumblr

My one cat used to park herself on top of my dresser and stare at herself in the mirror for hours. What a diva. My Em, on the other hand, thinks it's hilarious to see another baby—and another mommy, for that matter—staring back at her.

8. Both my cats and my baby are constantly putting inedible objects into their mouths.

GIF via Tumblr

Em is partial to cell phones. It's that smooth, slick mouth feel, I suppose. My cats, on the other hand, go wild for curling ribbon. Beyond that, however, neither the cats nor the baby are particularly discerning.

9. Both my cats and my baby like to lick my hair.

GIF via Cheezburger

Em tugs on it, putting her whole weight into it, eventually pulling huge chunks of my hair into her mouth. My cats are a bit stealthier. They creep onto my pillow while I'm sleeping and I wake up to discover their sandpaper tongues on my tresses, their teeth near my scalp.

10. Both my cats and my baby are completely independent, able to survive for days at a time without me.

GIF via Tumblr

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha! JK.

My cats would be bereft without me.

RELATED: Cute Pets and Babies Taking Baths

Image via Steph Auteri

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