You really aren't supposed to go around telling people what gender you hope your unborn child will be. It's such a taboo topic, isn't it? People don't take kindly to that. They look at you judgingly and say things like, "You should just wish for a healthy pregnancy and baby. That's what's most important."
And yeah, yeah—you get all of that. That's stating the obvious. But come on. You can't help wanting what you want.
The easiest analogy I have for this is one that my fellow sweet tooths will appreciate. It's like opening a bag of Skittles. You love all of the flavors. But you realllllly love the red Skittles. Imagine pouring a handful of candy on a tray and getting every color except for that red. It's a bit disappointing, right?
But it's not enough to stop you from eating the entire bag.
That's how I felt when my firstborn was a girl. Truthfully, I knew she'd be a girl. I dreamed of little girls and, somehow, whenever I thought of myself with a child, I always pictured a girl. Despite that, I really wanted a boy. I wasn't ashamed of that. I knew that I'd be a great mother to either a boy or a girl, so why should I have felt bad for having a preference? Was I any less grateful for getting the opportunity to parent a child? Was I being a selfish brat and only thinking about my wants, instead of thanking the stars above that I was able to conceive, grow and deliver a healthy, tiny human?
Of course not.
Is my daughter any less loved because she isn't a boy? Definitely not.
I think it's perfectly normal to have desires for a specific gender. I also think it's normal to feel a little let down if you don't "get" the preferred gender. And I know that everyone's circumstances vary. I can totally understand why some parents have never felt with way. Good for them. Part of me wishes that I could have been so free-thinking.
But hey, I'm the oldest of four girls and is it too much to want to have the family's first and only boy? Is my daughter any less loved because she isn't a boy? Definitely not.
Aside from the whole "lack of sleep" thing that came with newbornhood, I have never struggled with parenting a little girl. Every bit of it comes naturally, happily and with an insane amount of joy. I've never looked at my daughter and wished that she were my son. I look at her as my child. I look forward to exposing her to a great deal of the world and following behind her as she explores. I am not shocked by any of this. I knew I'd be the best parent I could be, no matter what my children's genders would be.
Now, guess what? I'm expecting again and, like before, I'm wanting a boy. This second child will likely be our last, and if this baby isn't a boy, I won't be disappointed. I will feel a void, though. I'll wonder what mommy-and-son love feels like. I'm pretty sure that won't last long, since raising my daughters will keep me busy.