When I was pregnant with my first son, friends and strangers
alike suggested that having a baby was the end of my sex life. Seriously.
"That's it, your sex life is over," said one particularly blunt (and divorced)
friend. I blinked. What? Why? How? I was determined not to let something so integral to my marriage simply disappear.
Having sex as parents is different from having sex as a
child-free couple, absolutely. But for me it has been some of the best sex of my relationship because of everything we've been through together. How do you
transition from exhausted parents to amorous partners? Every couple will find their own groove, but here are some tips from
my book "Bedded Bliss: A Couple's Guide to Lust Ever After":
one likes the idea of scheduling sex, but date nights are important to your
relationship, whether sex is the end result or not. You need the
occasional dinner or movie or walk in the park alone with your spouse, with your
attention, your touch and your gaze focused completely on each other. And who
knows where all that touching and gazing will lead?
2. Get some help
Having a reliable babysitter to take care of your munchkin(s) is great for
peace of mind and date nights. If you don't have family members who live close
and money is especially tight, consider a babysitting swap or co-op with other
parents so you can get in at least two date nights a month. For me, the money
we pay for a Friday night sitter is worth every penny, and I'd happily sacrifice
something else to maintain that one-on-one time. Consider it an investment in
3. Think outside the box
You used to find a way to have sex no matter what the obstacles. It's time to stretch those creative muscles again and get busy.
You have to get imaginative once you have kids and find ways to
be spontaneous, but it's not something new. Remember
making out in the backseat of the car when you were a teenager? Or sneaking a
quickie in your dorm room while your roommate was in the shower? Or being a few
minutes late to work because you hit the snooze and reached for your husband
instead of going back to sleep? You used to find a way to have sex no matter
what the obstacles. It's time to stretch those creative muscles again and get
4. Nap time and bedtime are couple time
Make the most of those two-hour toddler naps on
the weekend while you still have them. Sometimes you'll need a nap, too—but
when you don't … find something else to do with your time. (And I'm not talking
about cleaning the kitchen.) Likewise, establishing a regular bedtime for your
child(ren) means you have a few built-in hours of free time at night. Of course
you have a hundred things to do with those few precious hours. Just make sure
you add doing your partner to the list once in awhile.
5. Lock it up and put a bell on it
Being interrupted during sex, or worrying about
being interrupted, is a mood killer. While it's not an issue when you have with
an infant, toddlers get into everything—including your bedroom, your bathroom
and your adult toy drawer. If your bedroom doesn't have a lock, get one. The
bell is for the kid's bedroom door. If you hear it ring while you're in the
middle of something naughty, you'll know there's a child headed your way.
For couples whose time is at a premium and
foreplay is a distant memory, keeping the lust alive is all about staying in
touch with your sexual self even if it's only to text your spouse, "I'm
going to screw your brains out when this kid goes to kindergarten." Talk about
sex, read about sex and watch sexy movies together, and I promise you having sex
will be on your mind and you will be more inclined to make it happen when the
opportunity presents itself.