Childless pet owners are forever comparing their lives as dog parents to the lives of human parents. I cannot tell you the number of times I have had someone compare my child to their dog and to be honest, I totally used to do it before having kids of my own. Dogs, are sort of like practice babies, right? I mean, first you get a succulent and then if you can keep that alive, you graduate to getting a cat. If you can keep the cat alive, then you get a dog. Then finally if you pass that test, you can be a parent to a real human baby.
The thing is, once you become a parent you realize that dogs really don't do all that much in preparing you for having children. I mean, they do require some responsibility and nurturing, but obviously babies are on another level. Still, .just because dogs are not in fact "practice babies," doesn't mean there aren't some uncanny similarities between the two. I mean, I get why parents are always getting angry about having their precious offspring compared to your four-legged friend, but when you break it all down, maybe it's not actually that far off. Here's my proof:
Take a peek around my house and you will find telltale, tiny teeth marks scattered across all the furniture. My baby's teething knows no bounds and he gnaws the furniture much like your dog. Actually, now that I think of it, he chews the furniture more than our dog ever did.
2. He will eat anything he finds on the ground
Dogs and babies both abide by the five second rule when it comes to eating things found on the ground. Actually, it's more like an "all day erryday" rule. If food has fallen in something totally disgusting it's actually more appealing somehow. Also, they don't discriminate when it comes to non-food items. They both throw caution to the win, ingesting basically anything they find.
3. He is constantly trying finagle his way into sleeping in my room
Much like your furry friend, my baby will do just about anything to make his way into my bed. Both will then proceed to hog ALL the bed space.
4. He drools like it's going out of style
If you're ever at my house and walk through an indoor puddle, I won't be able to tell you if it came from my dog or my baby. Drool for days.
5. He has a one track mind and it's focused on: FOOD
Both dogs and babies have a singular focus in life and that focus is food. You can pretty much get either one to do whatever you want with the lure of something delicious to eat, which can definitely work in your favor. Nom nom nom!
6. He provides us with middle of the night surprises
Middle of the night wake-ups and poopy surprises are par for the course when it comes to dogs and babies. Both will wake you up with surprises you never wanted.
7. He plays fetch
Throw and retrieve is totally the jam of both babies and dogs. They'll play FOR-EH-VER!
8. He poops wherever he pleases
Poop in the bathtub. Poop on your bedspread. Poop whenever, wherever. Babies and dogs unite.
9. He chews on all of our shoes
Despite the countless teething toys you buy for dogs and babies, they'll still probably prefer to teeth on random items. Shoes are a particular favorite for both.
10. He has way too many toys and would rather play with a box
Do you ever feel like your dog has so many toys that they are taking over your house, but he doesn't even really play with them and would much rather play with random junk like boxes or water bottles? Yep. Same story over here with my baby.
11. He provides us with quality overgramming moments of cuteness
You post 27 obnoxious photos a day of your furry bestie doing nothing all that special, and I post 27 obnoxious photos a day of my baby bestie doing basically the same thing. Let's call it even.
12. He sleeps like a boss
Babies and dogs sleep when and where they feel like it. In your chair, in your bed, on the floor. They both have this sleep thing down pat*. (*Except when they don't actually and wake you up in the middle of the night. See #6.)
13. He's always underfoot and all up in your business
Both babies and canine companions tend to suffer from serious FOMO (fear of missing out) and as such are always right underfoot and all up in your business to make sure they aren't missing anything or that you don't forget about them. Believe me guys, we couldn't possibly forget about you... you wouldn't let us.