My first pregnancy was a breeze. I didn't find out I was
even with child (don't you just love that phrase?) until I was nine weeks along. I
never had any real symptoms or terrible side effects. I
woke up every day feeling great, I exercised regularly, I only craved healthy
foods and water. Yes, water. I didn't even
really feel like I was pregnant, most days. Ugh, I was the worst. And I
totally, totally took it for granted.
I just assumed I was meant to be pregnant! I figured that I was just really
good at it! If only I knew then what I know now.
I am currently in the second trimester of my second
pregnancy. And guess what? It is pretty much the polar opposite of my first.
I'm miserable with nausea every morning. Some days "morning sickness"
turns into "all-day sickness." I'm exhausted. I'm craving all things
unhealthy: burgers, French fries, milkshakes, potato chips, ice-cold Coke. I
have barely worked out at all since I found out I was pregnant, at 4 weeks. And
I keep reading that the second trimester is supposed to get better. I'm still
waiting on that.
So, Former Self, I'm glad you got to experience a great pregnancy. Because honestly, if you hadn't, you might not have gotten pregnant again! Because this shit sucks.
Now that I look at my smug former self, I can't help but
laugh. And also cry, because to be honest, I'm a little bit jealous of her. I
mean, she had the "perfect" pregnancy, if there can be such a thing.
And I wish I could tell her to soak it all up. To not ever take it for granted.
To see just how good she really had it, and truly appreciate it. And also to know
just how lucky she is. Because this doesn't happen every time. And it's really
true: every pregnancy is different.
So, Former Self, I'm glad you got to experience a great
pregnancy. Because honestly, if you hadn't, you might not have gotten pregnant
again! Because this shit sucks. Feeling sick every day sucks. Not seeing the
end in sight sucks. And the added exhaustion makes it hard to enjoy these last
months with just your firstborn, which is really the hardest part.
But there's also this: I have been so blessed by this baby
of mine, and even more blessed to be pregnant again. And you know what, I'll
take the nausea, the exhaustion, the back aches and days spent in bed. I'll
take all of the bad, because what I'm left with is something so purely and perfectly
good, that it makes everything else worth it.