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15 Badass Mom Responses for All the Unsolicited Advice

Photograph by Photofest

Snarky comments, even ones with good intentions, have become a rite of passage for new mothers, who sadly are left unable to come up with awesome responses because we are so damn tired!

So whether you're pregnant, nursing or just busy being a super mom, here are the best prewritten responses you can give to all those "helpful" people.

"Can I give you some advice?"

Badass Mom: Sure! But with X kids/a baby on the way, what we really need is time, money and sleep. Can I get that instead?

"You are so stunning! Do you mind if I rub your belly?"

Badass Mom: Sure! But what I really need is a foot rub. Could you do that next?

RELATED: How to Deal With Unwanted Advice During Pregnancy

"Wow! So amazing!" (then rubs stomach without permission)

Badass Mom: (groans and wiggles butt) Oh yeah! That is amazing! That feels gooooooood ...

"Going into daycare that early can really stress a child out."

Badass Mom: I know, but so does not having food or being unable to pay for college.

"You're not teaching your baby sign language? You really should!"

Badass Mom: You know, I looked into the career prospects for mimes, and I think we're going to focus on teaching Chinese instead!

"You know, those shoes are not good for your baby's feet. He won't learn how to walk properly."

Badass Mom: That's funny. I thought he was walking funny because he's a toddler!

Badass Mom Response No. 2: Oh really? He was walking just fine when we hiked [awesome adventure location].

"I think your husband would really like it if you made time to take care of yourself."

Badass Mom: Oh yeah, I'm working on that, but my tuxedo is at the dry cleaner.

Badass Mom No. 2: This is actually a disguise to keep annoying parents away. (smile)

Thank you for caring so much. Would you like to feed her?

"The science says breast is better!"

Badass Mom: Thank you for caring so much. Would you like to feed her?

Badass Mom No. 2: I know! We tried letting my husband breastfeed at night, but the baby wasn't having any of it!

"Are you expecting another?"

Badass Mom: No, but I have been wondering if they left another one in there. I should probably get that checked out!

"You know, even a simple walk might help you drop some of those pregnancy pounds."

Badass Mom: I'm actually planning on keeping them so that my toddler doesn't hurt his head when he bumps into my abs of steel!

"Once you sleep train, everyone will feel better!"

Badass Mom: I know sleep is important, but I love having late night dates with my kid!

"You know, I couldn't wait to get back to work!"

Badass Mom: Were your kids really that scary?

Badass Mom No. 2: I totally get that! It must be nice relaxing for eight hours a day.

RELATED: 10 Things You Swore You Wouldn't Do

"My kid can already do handstands and sing opera!"

Badass Mom: Oh really? Can it also teach you to be less patronizing?

"Nobody wants to see you breastfeed!"

Badass Mom: And yet you came all the way over to get a closer look. Highly suspicious, if you ask me! (wink)

"Do you think that's normal? Maybe you should have your child checked out."

Badass Mom: He gets checked out by the doctor every three months, and they've always given him back to me. I'm going to go ahead and trust their judgment.

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