comments, even ones with good intentions, have become a rite of passage for
new mothers, who sadly are left unable to come up with awesome responses
because we are so damn tired!
you're pregnant, nursing or just busy being a super mom, here are the best
prewritten responses you can give to all those "helpful" people.
I give you some advice?"
Badass Mom: Sure! But with X kids/a baby on the way, what we really need is
time, money and sleep. Can I get that instead?
are so stunning! Do you mind if I rub your belly?"
Badass Mom: Sure! But what I really need is a foot rub. Could you do that
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amazing!" (then rubs
stomach without permission)
Badass Mom: (groans and wiggles butt) Oh yeah! That is amazing! That feels
daycare that early can really stress a child out."
Badass Mom: I know, but so does not having food or being unable to pay for
not teaching your baby sign language? You really should!"
Badass Mom: You know, I looked into the career prospects for mimes, and I
think we're going to focus on teaching Chinese instead!
those shoes are not good for your baby's feet. He won't learn how to walk
Badass Mom: That's funny.
I thought he was walking funny because he's a toddler!
Response No. 2: Oh really? He was walking just fine when we hiked [awesome
"I think your
husband would really like it if you made time to take care of yourself."
Badass Mom: Oh yeah, I'm
working on that, but my tuxedo is at the dry cleaner.
Badass Mom No. 2: This is
actually a disguise to keep annoying parents away. (smile)
Thank you for caring so much. Would you like to feed her?
"The science says breast is better!"
Badass Mom: Thank you for caring so much. Would you like to feed her?
Badass Mom No. 2: I know! We tried letting my husband breastfeed at night, but the baby wasn't having any of it!
Badass Mom: No, but I
have been wondering if they left another one in there. I should probably get
that checked out!
"You know, even
a simple walk might help you drop some of those pregnancy pounds."
Badass Mom: I'm actually
planning on keeping them so that my toddler doesn't hurt his head when he bumps
into my abs of steel!
"Once you sleep
train, everyone will feel better!"
Badass Mom: I know sleep
is important, but I love having late night dates with my kid!
"You know, I
couldn't wait to get back to work!"
Badass Mom: Were your
kids really that scary?
Badass Mom No. 2: I
totally get that! It must be nice relaxing for eight hours a day.
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"My kid can
already do handstands and sing opera!"
Badass Mom: Oh really?
Can it also teach you to be less patronizing?
"Nobody wants to see you breastfeed!"
Badass Mom: And yet you
came all the way over to get a closer look. Highly suspicious, if you ask me!
"Do you think that's normal? Maybe you should have your child
Badass Mom: He gets checked out by the doctor every three months, and they've always
given him back to me. I'm going to go ahead and trust their judgment.
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Having a Third Baby Isn't as Bad as Everyone Says