Before becoming a parent, I probably could've come up with a pretty decent list of things that annoyed me. Things like people chewing with their mouths open and slow drivers in the fast lane—mostly just the obvious offenders that annoy most other people too. But since become a parent? Well, let's just say that the list of annoyances has grown exponentially, though most of the things that make the list are things that would've been no big deal in the pre-parent days. Here are a list of (completely benign) things that have become annoying since becoming a parent.
1. The UPS guy who rings the doorbell
Pre-kids, the UPS guy ringing my doorbell was a neutral event in my day. Actually, it was probably an enjoyable event in my day, because it meant some fun item or another awaited me in a package. Now I sort of want to punch the UPS guy (or anyone for that matter) who dares to ring my door bell and wake my baby from his nap.
2. The fact that Costco doesn't open until 10:00 AM
Before parenthood, I rarely tackled errands before 10:00 AM—because, sleeping in on Saturdays. But now? 10:00 AM rolls around and I've probably been up for four hours. I mean, seriously? The day is halfway over by 10:00, Costco. The parents of this nation need economy size boxes of baby wipes and 3-packs of milk and we need it before 10:00 AM. Perhaps I should start a petition.
3. The chatty checker at the grocery store
OK, this was a little annoying before kids as well, but after kids it's on another level. I'm sorry chatty checker, I really don't want to hear your life story and I definitely don't want to tell you mine while my kid is having a meltdown. Dude. I don't even care. Not even a little bit.
4. Lines. Any and all lines.
Waiting in lines is never a super fun task for anyone, but it had always just been a part of life. But waiting in lines with kids can be downright hellish. And waiting in line behind someone whose club card isn't working or who can't find a coupon while my kid is crying—don't even get me started.
And please do not compare your animal to my child. Totally not the same.
5. People who get offended by public breastfeeding
Before becoming a parent, I recognized that some people just don't feel comfortable with public breastfeeding. Even though I found it silly, it didn't annoy me really. After becoming a parent, the ridiculousness of taking offense to breastfeeding annoys me to no end. Seriously people, you'll see more cleavage walking past Victoria's Secret on your mall walk than you'll see while someone is feeding their baby. Get over it.
6. People who talk about their pets incessantly like they are their babies
I've never been a super huge animal person, but if other people want to treat their pets like babies and talk about them as such who am I to begrudge them? Well, after having kids, I find the behavior a lot more annoying. And please do not compare your animal to my child. Totally not the same.
7. Phone calls over text
Talking on the phone is not my jam, but if I had information to communicate I had always been more than happy to give a quick phone call. Now, I basically send all phone calls straight to voicemail. I pretty much would like everyone I know to ask themselves before calling me: "Is this information that could be conveyed via a text message?" If the answer is yes, then please send a text. It will be much more pleasant for both of us to not have to carry on a conversation while my children yell in the background.
I suppose the reason I never real took issue with glitter before having children is because I didn't really have to encounter it very often in my daily life. In the adult world, very few things are festooned with glitter for glitter's sake. Unfortunately I have learned that in the world of children (particularly in the world of gender-stereotyped "girls toys" and clothing) glitter is on EVERYTHING. Literally everything. And subsequently it is all over my house as well. Glitter is most definitely the herpes of craft supplies and I wouldn't be particularly sad if it no longer existed.
What totally benign things annoy you to no end now that you've entered the wonderful world of parenthood?