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I Don't Like Kale and Other Things Hippie Moms Shouldn't Say

Photograph by Getty Images

Yesterday I received a Facebook message. It started like this, "You're the most hippie mom I know, so I was wondering ..." She went on to describe her kiddo's sleep issues and asked for my tips, specifically natural ones. I'm always happy to share. Seriously, I don't mind one bit passing on what has worked for my two kids, which has been very different for each of them. But still, it makes me giggle a bit inside to have my "hippie-ness" translate to expertness. Because I am so not an expert. I'm just a mom. Just like you. And maybe, kind of a hippie one if we really must categorize.

It's not rare for someone to peg me as being a hippie. I get it. I've had a home birth. I breastfed by son until he was 3. I use essential oils. I order a quarter of a cow from a local farmer each year. I don't use synthetic birth control. I'm planning to homeschool. I'm hippie material in many ways.

But I don't think I truly deserve the wild title of hippie mom without confessing a few things to you. Here it goes ...

I don't like kale.

Not one bit. I've tried it mixed in salads and in chip form. They're just not for me. And yes, I know they're super healthy. I think I did consume them once in a soup, but they were chopped super tiny.

RELATED: 5 Ways Becoming a Mom Made Me a Hippie

I love disposable diapers.

This is such a catch-22 for me, because technically I use cloth to save money. Especially when I have 2 kids in diapers, but I don't like it. In fact, I'm pretty much obsessed with all the Honest Company prints and would cry if I somehow had an unlimited supply of those!

I think labor sucks.

For the most part, I enjoy being pregnant, but labor? I dread it. I feel like hippie moms are supposed to embrace the surges and warrior through the awesome experience of birth. I do my best, but it ain't pretty and I beg for relief.

I don't have a garden.

I pin a lot of garden ideas. But I just wrapped up my third summer in our house and have yet to put anything in our backyard.

I love my minivan.

And, no, it's not a hybrid and, no, I have never considered biking to the grocery store.

Nature is pretty ... from the inside looking out.

I think screen time is awesome.

Those rockstar hippie moms who don't have screens in their home? I commend you! Me? I need my guilty pleasures and my kids need a calm down show once or twice a day.

I can't handle yoga.

I try and try, but every time I try to calm my mind I find myself fretting about what I forgot to write on my to-do list!

Nature is only ok in my book.

In college I spent a week on a mountain as part of a leadership training. It was the worst week of my life. I honestly don't know how I survived. Then I got married to someone who loves to camp and have yet to ever go camping with him. Nature is pretty ... from the inside looking out.

RELATED: 8 Reasons Cloth Diapers Rule

I recycle, but I don't compost.

Five words ... long live the garbage disposal.

I'm not a minimalist.

I really try, but it's just not in my heart to only have 4 pairs of shoes. Technically, I'm doing tons of nesting and pre-baby purging right now, but no one would look at my home and say, "Wow, that girl is sure a minimalist".

By now you're probably thinking I should give up any remnant of my hippie mom title, but take a peek at this and you just may reconsider. If that isn't total hippie, I don't know what is!

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