When you become a parent, a magical transformation occurs. You go from being a carefree childless person who actually has some self-respect to someone who not only is willing to but will actually fight to eat garbage. When faced with a tiny person who is too pigheaded to eat his or her food, said rejected food becomes inexplicably tantalizing. If any of the following scenarios seem familiar (and delicious) to you, congratulations, you too have become a garbage-eater.
Mac 'n' cheese: Somehow cold, rubbery mac 'n' cheese is more tempting than the Holy Grail in an Indiana Jones movie. It gives life! You're not just going to let it go, are you?! You would willingly disappear into a hellish abyss sooner than you would throw that solid gold in the garbage.
Toast: Uneaten toast is worse than nothing. It's wet bread. And yet there you are, eating it.
Goldfish crackers. You don't normally want these. However, when they're left on a plate, they transform into the world's most delectable appetizer.
Ice cream that's quickly dripping down your kid's cone. You have to eat it. So you might as well enjoy it.
Ordering a child bacon and then having it go uneaten is like the worst insult a human could ever face.
Chicken fingers. When was the last time you actually wanted chicken fingers? Probably at least 20 years ago? And now that you ordered them and some ingrate is not eating them, you realize chicken fingers are tasty. And they're staring right at you.
Pizza. It's not that good but it's just sitting right there, uneaten, like a slap in the face. That tiny little crappy triangle of pizza you used to throw away in the garbage long ago now represents your last shred of dignity, so you ought to eat it instead of toss it.
Bacon: Ordering a child bacon and then having it go uneaten is like the worst insult a human could ever face. I swear to God, I have almost come to blows with my son over bacon that he refused to eat but also refused to let other people eat.
Leftover birthday party goodie bag chocolate that has been melting in your car. Discovering this is like finding a ten dollar bill on the sidewalk.