There is no doubt about it. Having a baby will completely destroy your life. The person you were before you had kids is still there, but you will absolutely be a changed person. Nothing will ever, ever be the same.
There are many ways a baby will ruin your life. Here are just a few:
1. You may never be able to watch a childbirth on TV ever again. Whether it's a reality show or a sitcom, you will cry like a nutcase, and your family members will think you're a huge weirdo.
2. If you do watch a birth on TV, you may find yourself "pushing," which can be pretty strange for your friends to watch.
3. You may never be able to watch anything that includes a child's death. Because you will also cry like a nutcase.
11. You will save the last piece of pie for your kid, so you'd better just make two.
12. You may feel like every child is yours. So if you hear a baby squalling at the store, you will have to strongly resist the urge to run over there and nurse her.
13. You will be aware that, someday, there won't be any more children living with you, and while it's hard to believe when you're in the thick of parenting kids, it will happen. And while that thought may be the stuff dreams are made of (money! extra room! eating ice cream at 4 p.m. with no witnesses!), it can actually be pretty heavy duty.
Okay, okay—having a baby doesn't really destroy you and having kids doesn't ruin your life. But there is no question that you are a changed person once your little one emerges from your body to begin his own life. Having a child is joyous, and it's also painful. But we wouldn't change it for anything.