I’ve been sharing a bed with my kids in one way or another for the past 10 years. Either my kids start the night in my bed, or one of them ends up in it. It’s warm, cozy and, most importantly, it works for our family. And if you think we're some kind of freaks … well, you’re wrong. More families co-sleep than people realize—though as many as half of all families lie about that fact.
The truth is, even though co-sleeping has received some more positive press over the years, it’s still stigmatized and misunderstood. Surprisingly, the biggest critique people have about the whole thing isn’t that it will turn your kids into overly dependent rascals with sleep issues—most rational people realize that kids can sleep in the same room with their parents and still end up awesome—it's that they believe co-sleeping will completely ruin your sex life.
Now, I can’t speak for every single co-sleeping family out there, but my experience, along with a whole bunch of my friends who also bed share, is that this is a big, fat lie. And I’m not just saying that because I have two living children, one of whom was conceived while the other was a full-time co-sleeper.
I’m also not going to lie and say we have the most amazing sex lives in the universe. We are the parents of two young boys, we both work full-time and we are TIRED. Co-sleeping or not, sex is just not a daily occurrence around here and we are fine with that.
All that being said, my goodness, we have as much sex as we damn well please. Here's you how.
Sex in the shower? Check. A quickie in the den while our kid is napping in the other room? Check.
The short answer is that we have sex in another room after our kids go to sleep. That’s how it happens 99 percent of the time. Listen, I know that some people feel strongly about having sex in their own bed, but the fact is that as long as you have more than one room in your house—and hopefully one more bed or soft surface—you’re good to go. It’s really not that complicated. Lock the door if you have wanderers. Done and done.
Not being able to use our own bedroom actually has made sex more exciting. We get to feel like we’re sneaking around. Sex in the shower? Check. A quickie in the den while our kid is napping in the other room? Check. Sex in the morning when both kids are in school and my husband gets to go in late for work? Check.
Co-sleeping does mean you have to get creative about where and when you do the deed, but it doesn’t mean you won’t ever do it again. Honestly, the notion of that being true is simply ridiculous. Maybe some couples really do need to have sex in their bed or else all hell breaks loose?
Obviously, co-sleeping isn’t for everyone, and you should only do it if it works for your family. Both partners definitely have to be on board for it to work. And if having sex in your bed is the only acceptable way for you to do the deed, then yes, co-sleeping might ruin your sex life.
But if sex is the main reason you're resistant to co-sleeping, it totally doesn’t have to be a roadblock. There are so many options for you to continue to have a rockin’ sex life—and sharing sleep with your kids won't mess that up. I promise.