You noticed this morning that your little one doesn't have
that baby pudge around her chin and wrists anymore. She doesn't snuggle like
she used to, and that delicious baby smell went away months ago. You catch
yourself looking at photos, watching videos of when she had her first spoon of
solid food, when she took her first wobbly steps, and when she first threw your keys
in the toilet.
You get a little teary-eyed. Damn, where has
the time gone? But then you realize, you are getting a LOT teary-eyed. Wow do
you miss that baby phase. Do you want another
one? You say, "yes," but you're only about 63 percent there. So it's actually
more of a "I think so." But who ever knows for sure? And you wonder, am I thinking with my head or my heart?
are some other thoughts you may have when contemplating adding another little rugrat
to the mix.
1. My daughter/son needs
a sibling. She'll have a built-in friend. How sweet to see two little siblings
be best friends!
You think about how your little one must be so lonely with
no one but you to play with. Only YOU get to play "My Little Ponies" and puppet
show and dollhouse and Doc McStuffins endlessly! Yes, she must be very lonely.
And also, if you have to reenact the Peppa episode where Delphine the Donkey
comes to school one more time, you will light Peppa on fire. Yes, it will be
such a joy to see your daughter have a sister or brother to play with!
2. But what if they hate
What if they don't hold hands and wear matching rompers
everywhere they go? What if they don't develop a secret language only the two
of them can understand? And what if they instead constantly bicker and tattle
on the other? Shit. Having two little ones wanting to play with only mom? You
may as well just shoot yourself in the knee cap.
3. I'll have to divide my
time with her if I have another one.
What if she's jealous and resentful and draws on her baby brother's face with a Sharpie?
My daughter says she wants a sister, but she's only 3. What if she's jealous and resentful and draws
on her baby brother's face with a Sharpie or feeds him glue when I'm not
looking? Kids get jealous and resentful. And Sharpie doesn't come off the skin easily.
4. I'll be able to
experience breastfeeding again.
I miss that special bonding time. i miss feeling the satisfaction
of a good latch, feeling my rock hard boob deflate and get soft and human
again, seeing that adorable milk drunk look on my baby's face. Plus I would be burning calories
like a mofo.
5. But shit, mastitis
There's also that let down in public problem. And having to feed through bloody scabby nipples isn't great either. Just thinking of the sucking
sound of a breast pump and having flashbacks of dripping milk through sore nips
make my nipples retract in fear and beg to see a therapist.
6. I'll get to feel that
sweet little baby kicking in my belly.
You remember feeling that flutter, and then that kicking,
and then that squirming and repositioning inside your belly. It mesmerized
you and warmed your heart.
7. But, the baby also
kicked my bladder and my ribs.
And it kept you up night after night. You also peed
yourself a time or two.
8. But I pee myself even
9. Maybe this time around
morning sickness won't cut me off at the knees.
Meaning, maybe this time around you will be able to eat more
than just Chicken in a Biscuit dipped in Ranch dressing. Every pregnancy's
10. But what if it does
cut me off at the knees, and the wrists and the ankles?
You can only eat so much ginger, dude.
11. My vagina will be
The idea of sitting on a donut and dousing my torn up taco
with witch hazel definitely tempers that baby fever.
12. But I'll be able to
score those glorious mesh panties.
HELL YEAH! Few things in life are as amazing and awful at
the same time.
Your need for rain slickers and professional grade juicers increases between the hours of 2 and 5 a.m.
Babies are expensive little buggers! From the gear to breast
pump to the clothes to the medical care. Oh, and don't forget the late night
Amazon purchases you will make while pumping in the middle of the night. Your
need for rain slickers and professional grade juicers increases between the
hours of 2 and 5 a.m.
14. Am I too old?
I just turned 40 last week. Will I have the energy to chase a
toddler around in a few years? When my baby graduates high school, I'll be 58.
15. Well, Halle Berry had a baby
Not really sure what this proves because Halle Berry is a
super human millionaire model.
16. Will I still be able
to pursue my own goals and dreams with another one?
It's so important to me to have my own thing, to continue in
my career, to pursue my own dreams and accomplish my goals. And by goals, I
mean going to the bathroom by myself.
17. How will my mental
health hold up?
How good is having another child if you are always stressed out and overwhelmed?
Meaning will I be constantly losing my shit? I mean, more
than I am now? How good is having another child if you are always stressed out
18. Am I OK to give up
This is a very important question. I will have to be OK with
at least another two years of really shitty sleep. Two years of zombie face and bags under my
eyes. Two more years of hazy, sleep-deprived lucidity involving regularly
putting my iPhone in the fridge and wearing my shirt, trousers or both inside
19. Is my husband on
He says he is. I'm pretty sure he wants another baby, just
not sure he wants to face another reason we are unable to have sex.
20. Do we need to move to
a bigger apartment?
Remember all the gear? Sure, we can do without the saucer
and the piano pad, but we can never forgo the swing, glider, activity mat and
the high chair. Or the Boppy. Or body pillow. Or walker. Are we OK having our
house look like an episode of "Storage Wars"?
21. Am I OK with having
that baby weight thing happen again?
Everything will be saggier. EVERYTHING.
You don't bounce back with the third one like you did with
No. 1. Even if you do lose all the weight, everything will be saggier.
22. There's always vaginal
reconstruction and rejuvenation.
Chin up, little slugger.
23. Will one of us have to
ride alone at Disneyland or on a ski lift?
Having another one will give us an uneven family number. One
of us will always have to ride in the single rider line. One of us will always
have to ride Space Mountain alone.
24. But we can all still
ride Splash Mountain together!