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The tendency to pee a little when we laugh, cough, sneeze,
etc. is known as stress incontinence. It's especially common in women who are
pregnant or postpartum, as the pelvic floor muscles are stretched out and
weakened. Basically, it's a total bummer.
What's not a bummer is that it yields us some hilarious
stories about moms accidentally wetting themselves, and that's exactly what I'm
presenting to you. I've promised to keep them anonymous, but these are real
stories. Almost too real.
(And please, don't laugh so hard you, well, you know...)
Never Hold Back: The Gas that Should Have Passed
"My second child was four or five weeks old. I wanted to get out of
the house so my husband sent me on a late night run to Lowe's to get something
he had been meaning to buy. I purchased the item and as I'm heading to my car, a long lost acquaintance stops me to say hi and congratulations. As he's talking I felt the urge to pass gas. Nothing major, but still rude, so I
squeezed with all my might. As I stood there, I felt warm stuff running
down my leg. I realized I was urinating and I COULD NOT shut it off. So my
pants are sopping wet and I have pee in my shoes. Thankfully, it was 10:30 pm
so it was dark outside and my friend couldn't see anything. To escape I reached
for my chest and said, 'Oh, I think it must be feeding time.' His wife had
recently delivered their first child so he responded with, 'I know how that
goes.' I should have just tooted."
"My sister was 7 months pregnant and it was the day of her
office baby shower. She was sitting at her desk when they came up to get her
and she kept trying to stall, telling her coworkers she'd meet them at the
party. They kept pressing her and finally she had to admit she'd just sneezed
so hard she peed all over her chair, so they wheeled her to the bathroom. It's
embarrassing but also sweet."
Almost a Haiku About Pee
"Trampolines now require protective gear—and I'm not
talkin' about helmets."
A Strong Case for Moisture-Wicking Shorts
"I love to run, which means I have made peace with peeing my
pants. I'm fine for long, slow distance runs, but if it's a speed workout or
there's any sprinting involved, my shorts will be soaked, and at best only half
of that is sweat!"
I must have been sitting for about 40 minutes when suddenly my nether regions went completely numb and I wet myself.
No Time Like the Present
"While pregnant with twins, my husband and I were driving to
see my parents. They live about an hour away. I asked him to pull over so I
could pee. He suggested I wait till he could find a bathroom. I couldn't hold
it and peed my pants all over his seat. Next time just pull over."
Let's Just Avoid Trampolines, Shall We?
My best friend and I went to a trampoline exercise class. I
was so worried that I would pee my pants while jumping. Turns out I peed my pants
(just a little) every single time I jumped for an hour. Thanks, kids!"
"During childbirth I peed myself nonstop, basically every
time I pushed. Since I had a home birth, I was left with this awful mess to
clean up afterwards, and even though I fully acknowledged I should let go and
just go with each contraction, I was still hideously embarrassed every time I
peed when pushing."
A Little Coffee, a Little Writing, a Little Hobbling to the
"Just the other day, I went to a coffee shop to go and
write. I must have been sitting for about 40 minutes when suddenly my nether
regions went completely numb and I wet myself. It was completely out of
control, and as I sat there, literally soaking my shorts and the wicker
restaurant chair, I could only laugh and then hobble off to the bathroom. Since
then I have noticed that when I sit for too long j stand a good chance of wetting
myself during that time."