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5 Baby Items I Wish Were Made for Adults

Photograph by Twenty20

Becoming a parent requires extreme sacrifice—at least for a while. Overnight, my free time, my sleep and my life as I knew it before kids all suffered.

As I was getting a crash course in putting my own needs aside, my kid was getting all kinds of cool stuff, rubbing salt in the wound of my sacrifice. Here are five things my son had that I coveted:

1. Footy pajamas

Oh, adorable one-piece pajamas with fuzzy feet, how I wish you were mine. Footy pajamas are like if your favorite pajamas hooked up with your coziest slippers and had a fabric baby.

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2. Hats with baby animal ears

Similar to the precious footy pajamas, I thought all the little hoods on my son's outfits were disturbingly cute. Is that an infant or a ridiculously cute baby bear? While I realized I would look deranged donning a hat with baby raccoon ears, a girl can still dream.

2. Cradle swing

More tired than I'd thought possible, I used to gaze at my son dozing in his cradle swing. Equipped to swing either forward to backward, or in a soothing side-to-side motion, this swing was soft as a pillow and crafted to look like an impossibly cute baby lamb. I longed to put on an adult-sized pair of footy pajamas and perhaps a pair of adult diapers and drift off to sleep in the lamb's warm embrace.

3. Strollers

I loved taking walks with my toddler son in his stroller. The only thing better than moseying around with him? To have someone push me around cheerful neighborhoods while I sipped on the finest of white grape juice and shoved handfuls of Goldfish into my mouth. It was a sad epiphany when I realized that yes, somebody might push me around again someday, but it'd be in a wheelchair. Hopefully, wheelchairs will have built-in snack and drink holders by then.

4. Baby carriers

In his early months, my son spent much of his days strapped to my chest in an Ergo carrier. With the lull of my heartbeat and the gentle rocking as I ran up and down the stairs to do laundry, he often drifted off to sleep. It struck me how cozy he must be and how tired I was and how soothing it would feel if I could find a giant who would strap me to his chest and carry me around while I napped.

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5. Baby sleep hammock

In our quest to help our colicky son sleep, one of the things we purchased was a baby sleep hammock. The tiny hammock bed moved gently with my son's motions, which theoretically would help him sleep better. While it didn't fix his sleep issues, I fantasized about having an adult-sized version that I could slumber in. Alone. On a tropical isle.

Looking back, I think that all the adulting suddenly required of me as a new parent made me long for a simpler time—or at least a time when I could nap with wild abandon or sleep through the night without anyone screeching in my ear for milk.

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