I don't have twins myself. I do, however, have identical twin nephews, and some of the dumb crap people asked my sister-in-law when we were out with them made me realize how many ridiculous things people say to moms of twins. So I decided to ask her and my other twin mom friends what annoying questions or comments they got from people, and while some aren't totally surprising ("Are they twins?" is a common annoyance), some were pretty much terrible and made me weep for humanity.
Cindy (my wonderful sister-in-law)
The stupidest thing anyone ever said to me was, "Are they twins?" And when I said yes, they asked if they were born on the same day. We also had someone ask my husband if they were both his!
I have boy/girl twins and I clearly dressed them as such and I would get ALL the time, "Are they identical?" I also hated the personal questions from complete strangers such as, "Are they natural?" or "Did you have a c-section?" This from STRANGERS! And yes, the hurtful, "Better you than me." I also had someone ask me if they were twins and I said, "No, I stole one!"
"Better you than me!" (They're right.) And of course the always invasive "Are they natural?" and "Did you breastfeed?"
The one that hurt the most was when I announced the (unexpected) pregnancy of my third child when my twins were 16 months old. A friend laughed and laughed and said, "I just assumed that since you already had two, you were done!" At the time I was still so unsure of how I felt about the new pregnancy, so comments from others like that and, "What were you thinking?!" really stung.
With my boy/girl twins I get asked a lot, "Are they twins?" When I was pregnant, people would say, "Two for the price of one!" or, "Didn't you get lucky? Now you're done!" And they would say, "Glad it's not me!" or "How can you afford two babies at once?" Also, "I hope you're done after these two."
People are surprisingly negative.
People are surprisingly negative. When I was pregnant, people would say, "Two for the price of one!" or, "Didn't you get lucky? Now you're done!"I've gotten good at having constant resting bitch face so no one comes to talk to me. I think my worst experience was the last half of my pregnancy. A new lady started at work and of course caught wind of me being pregnant with twins. She literally, I mean literally, would tell me every single day how she had twins but one was stillborn. For months I heard this story everyday, and it's the worst thing you could say to a pregnant person.
I am a white woman, married to a black man and I have fraternal boy twins. One has lighter skin and looks more like me, and the other is a wee bit darker and looks more like Daddy. People have commented how interesting that I got one white twin and one black twin. Also, because they are fraternal, people have said they are not twins. Just brothers born on the same day.
When the girls were about three months old, my husband and I took our two-year-old and the babies to Target. We walked down the toy aisles, and a couple of women stopped me, gave me awkward hug sand said, "Bless your heart!" I think they intended to be sympathetic, but I was more insulted than anything.
"Whose side of the family do twins run in?" which is a thinly veiled conception-method question. Also not understanding enough before you ask to know that if they are identical, the question is irrelevant, and if they are fraternal, the only relevant answer could be mom's side. And even then, there are lots of other reasons for spontaneous fraternal twinning, like race and age of the parent.
And don't forget, "Are they identical?" about boy/girl twins. The sex chromosome is one of those chromosomes that they'd have to share, folks, to be identical.
What TO Say to a Twin Mom
I know that it's hard to resist asking questions when you see someone lugging around two babies, but maybe think of another way to break the ice, especially if you're wondering if she pushed them out of her vagina or not. Instead, if you're hoping to make a new mom friend, talk about how cute the babies are, or ask about their names. Just leave the dumb questions at home.