This is a little embarrassing. I have now joined you in this parenthood thing and it’s totally not what I was expecting. In fact, I pretty much feel lost on a daily basis. Raising a child is a lot harder than I thought it would be, and I realize now I was probably a complete asshole to you in my childless days. So here are some things I would like to apologize for:
1. I’m sorry for being offended when you finally texted me back three days after my message. Bloody hell, it’s hard to return texts now! That Mommy Brain is a real thing. Plus laundry. And diapers.
2. I’m sorry for complaining about how tired I was. I had no idea what tired really meant until after I gave birth. And then I was up around the clock every two hours for the next three months straight.
3. I’m sorry for inwardly rolling my eyes when you asked if I could just come to your house instead. I get it. You have all the toys and baby-proofing and that means your kids may stay (kind of) occupied while we (sort of) talk. And that reminds me...
4. I’m sorry for being annoyed that you couldn’t hold a conversation on the phone for more than two minutes because your kids wouldn’t leave you alone. You are so much more patient with me than I ever was listening to me tell you for the tenth time, “Hold on a second, she’s screaming again.”
I’m sorry for how lame I thought you were when you needed to be home by 7:30. You’re right.
5. I’m sorry for thinking your kid was a total jerk for throwing that tantrum in Target. I don’t remember your face ever getting as red as mine does now. Please don’t laugh at me, but do you have any tips you could share on getting them to calm the hell down in public?
6. I’m sorry for being grossed out by all the crumbs in your car. I have a new understanding for what disgusting really means. And I realize you were probably just trying to keep your kids from doing that high-pitched hunger whine they are all so good at.
7. I’m sorry for thinking you were overreacting when you panicked over leaving your baby for the first time. I didn’t realize the overpowering, chest-tightening bond you had over your infant. I didn’t realize how much you could miss them.
8. But I’m also sorry for judging you for admitting you think about running away sometimes. I used to think what kind of mother can say that about their own child? Instead of being appalled, I should have stepped up and offered you support.
9. I’m sorry for how lame I thought you were when you needed to be home by 7:30. You’re right. There are babies to nurse, kids to bathe and put to bed, couches to be sunken into, and Netflix to be watched before the baby wakes up at 11:00 to eat again.
10. I’m sorry for giving you all that unsolicited advice about how to raise your child. I’m an idiot. I knew nothing. I knew even less about that thing they call “mom guilt.” So I would like to retract all that stupid advice and just buy you a bottle of wine instead.
I want to tell you that you’re an amazing mom. And that, like me, you're doing the best you can. So I hope you can forgive me.