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35 Questions I Have For Other Moms

Photograph by Twenty20

Just me? Am I the only one who:

1. Looks at my child and sometimes thinks, “Who are you and when are your parents coming to pick you up?”

2. Uses a ponytail holder to keep my pants together, since I'm 5 years post-partum and still can’t do the top button of my jeans?

3. Wishes I could go see “Ghostbusters” without launching a FEMA-level oversight operation?

4. Cries at drop-off on the first day of school?

5. Cries again at pick-up on the last day of school? (Sidenote: why is summer so damn long?)

6. Feels like the housework is endless?

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7. Pees a little when I cough?

Still can’t believe we moved to the suburbs?

8. Has to wear a pantyliner when I go running because, again, pee?

9. Had no idea how hard, amazing and awe-inspiring motherhood would be?

10. Also, never realized how mind-numbing children’s TV shows could be? (Looking at you, "Team Umizoomi.")

11. Forgets things as soon as I’ve remembered them?

12. Loves nothing more than a drop-off play date?

13. Has gone for more than 3 days without showering?

14. Can’t believe how hilarious a 5-year-old can be?

15. Wonders where the time goes?

Wishes sunscreen could instantly appear on my kid’s skin and stay there for 6 hours?

16. Wonders what I'm doing with my life?

17. Wonders when I'll be able to go out with my husband whenever I want?

18. Wishes I could live on 4 hours of sleep a night, therefore having time to binge "Stranger Things" and "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend"?

19. Wishes I could live on 3 hours, actually, so I could throw "Better Call Saul" into the line-up?

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20. Has been faced with the question, while driving, “Mama, why did you just say ‘See you next Tuesday’ to that lady in the blue car?”

21. Still can’t believe we moved to the suburbs? And really can't believe I actually like it?

22. Wonders if my kid knows I have no idea what I’m doing half the time?

23. Needs a teenager to tell me what the hell Snapchat is?

24. Can’t fathom why soccer practice has to start at such an ungodly hour on Saturday mornings?

25. Why soccer season lasts so. many. months?

26. Has been mistaken for my kid’s grandmother?

Wants time to slow down a little?

27. Didn’t know I could love a person so much that I wouldn’t care if they peed, pooped or puked on me?

28. Wants to tell my kid to shut up and leave me alone sometimes?

29. Still thinks about having another baby?

30. Wishes sunscreen could instantly appear on my kid’s skin and stay there for 6 hours?

31. Lives in fear of the day my daughter asks me for her own cell phone?

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32. Thinks about going to yoga but never does?

33. Wants time to slow down a little?

34. Is grateful to be a mom, even on the worst days?

35. Sometimes thinks the worst days outnumber the best?

No, seriously, am I the only one?

Phew, I didn’t think so.

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