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The Most Ridiculous Things I've Said to My Kid

Photograph by Twenty20

Kids say the darndest things, sure. But you know who else says some pretty ridiculous things? Parents, to their kids. So, I asked real moms to share the most ridiculous thing they have said to their kids, and I compiled them all here for your enjoyment. So grab some popcorn and judge away. Or nod in solidarity. I’d prefer the latter.

“I’m always asking, 'Is that poop or chocolate?' My advice is to never taste. Ever. Even if you’re like 99% sure. Not good enough. Smelling is always the way to go.” – Kayla C.

RELATED: The Most Insulting Things Moms Have Heard

"My daughter is a sensory seeker. I'm always having to tell her to stop putting things in her mouth that are not at all appropriate. 'Stop licking the park bench' is definitely something I’ve said on more than one occasion.” – Sally J.

"I have three boys. I think the most common phrase that comes out of my mouth is something along the lines of, 'Don’t eat that dirt!'" – Natalie R.

Please don’t touch your face with your poop hand!

“I utter the phrase, 'What are you eating? No seriously, what is in your mouth?' at least 20 times a day. Probably more.” – Jessie M.

“My son is obsessed with pulling off his pants. We’re potty training and he thinks it’s just so fun to be pants-free. I’m always having to yell at him to pull his pants up and leave them up!” – Renee G.

"I'm always fielding the most ridiculous requests for food that I don’t even notice how strange the combinations are any more. The other day I said to my toddler, 'Sure sweetie, peanut butter on your macaroni and cheese sounds delicious!' Because really, any food at all sounds delicious when he refuses to eat half the time anyway! As long as it’s edible, I say go for it!” – Katie R.

“I have four boys. For anyone who doesn’t have boys or know boys, they are obsessed with touching their privates. I have to tell them to 'stop touching their giblets' at least once every five minutes.” – Margo S.

RELATED: 7 Things I Will Absolutely Not Miss About These Days

“While changing diapers, I constantly say 'Please don’t grab your poo!' Then, when my request is denied, 'Please don’t touch your face with your poop hand!' is generally used as a follow-up.” – Claire M.

“I just had a baby, and am always having to remind my son that she is his sister, and not a rag doll. We’re still working on the whole being gentle thing. We’ll get there… Right?” – Melissa P.

“About my wine: 'No honey, you can’t have that, it’s poison. Mommy can drink it because she is immune.' She’ll magically become immune on her 21st birthday!” – Mary C.

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