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20 Questions for SAHMs & Working Moms

Photograph by Getty Images

I never thought I would be a stay-at-home mom. I also never thought I would nonchalantly de-louse my daughter's head, so maybe I'm not the best predictor of my own future in mom life. Today, I work full-time outside of the home and am a mom to a 7- and 4-year-old. For the past few years, I worked full-time (and mostly full-time) from my home. Before that I worked full-time in an office, part-time in an office, part-time from home and four hours a week from home, which I believe qualifies as staying at home. Every step of the way, I wonder if I'm doing it wrong.

I'm not the only one, as witnessed in More magazine's nationwide poll of working moms and stay-at-home moms that shows—I believe—a huge crisis of confidence in the choices we're making as moms, and as employees. What else could explain the 47% of stay-at-home moms who feel they've been taken advantage of by working moms? Is it surprising that 54% of working moms say a SAHM has made them feel bad about working full time?

On March 28, I participated in a call with other bloggers in the parenting space, as well as Linda Descano, the president and CEO of Citi's Women & Co.; and More magazine's editor-in-chief, Lesley Jane Seymour, where we discussed the issues of money, parenting and the "war" at large. While the survey results and the discussion that followed were certainly illuminating, I've always felt that if I just knew what other parents were doing to make it all work, then maybe I would be able to formulate a plan for myself and my family that would keep me from constantly wondering if the grass was always greener, and thus, relax and embrace my choices. I also realized that people don't really want to talk about their finances, their help or how their children are reacting to whatever setup is happening. This, I believe, needs to change.

In the spirit of letting it all hang out, I would love to know the answers to the following questions. Yes, from all of you. Even you.

Do you feel you made the right choice?


Have you had to cut back on spending? Where did you cut?

Do you fight about money more than you did before?

Are you resentful of your working spouse?

Does your working spouse feel all of the financial burden, and is resentful of you?

Do you feel satisfied?

Are your kids tired of you?

Are you staying at home because of someone else's pressure? Spouse, parent, in-law?

Are you worried about going back to work some day after being out for so long?

Do you have an equal say in financial decisions?

Do you feel you made the right choice?

RELATED: Getting Off the Bench & Back to Work

Questions for Working Moms

How much money do you spend on childcare? Is it more than either parent's salary?

Are you working for money, or for satisfaction? Both?

Do you have dinner with your kids every night?

Have you missed a moment in your child's life that you regret?

What is slipping through the cracks?

How do you deal with the working mom guilt?

Are you working outside of the home because of someone else's pressure?

Do you feel you made the right choice?

How do you do it all? No, really. I need to know.

Is your partner an equal parent?

And this final question is one we're going to be exploring in-depth here at mom.me. We will be elevating the conversation away from "mommy" to include all of those dads who are somehow out of the line of fire during discussions like these. We'll be sharing essays with you going forward from working dads and stay-at-home dads. Hopefully, this will be the dawn of parenting vs. mommy wars, or ideally, a cease-fire. Let us know what you think. And let me know how you manage it all, whether you're working in your home, out of your home or all of the above.

Let's talk!

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