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19 Reasons I Can't Possibly Lose the Baby Weight Right Now

My baby is turning one. While a lot of mamas are back to their pre-pregnancy weight by then, I've still got a ways to go. And frankly, I don't really care. In fact, I bristle at the implication that I or any recently pregnant lady should be racing to shrink down. (Shut up, tabloids.)

Here are the many excellent reasons why I can't possibly lose the baby weight right now, thank you very much. And if you need an excuse, feel free to borrow one of mine!

1. I use carbs to keep me awake.

2. My spare tire provides a nice cushion for the baby, like a human Boppy pillow.

3. It's bad enough I yell sometimes from being tired and overwhelmed. If I was tired, overwhelmed and starving, they'd have to call CPS.

4. Full-fat dairy is recommended for one-year-olds. It's also delicious.

RELATED: 15 Surprising Ways to Lose the Baby Weight

5. Why pay for a gym membership I'll never use when I could spend that money on Netflix, Hulu and Amazon Prime?

6. Counting calories requires brain cells I lost from being pregnant twice.

7. The kids rarely finish their mac 'n cheese, and I hate to waste food, starving children in Africa and all.

8. People say you should plan to wake up an hour before your kids so you can exercise. With the hours mine keep, I'd have to set the alarm for yesterday.

Even if I had a tiny waistline, no one would see it because I'm always wearing or carrying a kid.

9. I'm a big believer in napping when the baby naps.

10. I have yet to break a sweat from playing Roly Poly.

11. My 5-year-old really likes to bake.

12. It's one thing to avoid cake at home, it's quite another to avoid cake at a preschooler's birthday party, every single weekend of my life.

13. I'm not a starlet, the paparazzi aren't following me, and my sweatpants are very forgiving.

RELATED: Why I'm Counting Down the Days Until I Get My Post-Baby Body Back

14. Even if I had a tiny waistline, no one would see it because I'm always wearing or carrying a kid. For all you know, I DO have a tiny waistline! OK, just kidding, I don't.

15. If I'm going to pay a babysitter so I can have some free time, you'd better believe there will be wine involved.

16. When I tried exercising at home, it resulted in my 5-year-old trying to ride a giant yoga ball down two flights of stairs.

17. Drive-thru is a mom's best friend. But I can't eat a salad while I'm driving.

18. With two kids, I always have snacks on me. So I always have snacks in me.

19. I'm still breastfeeding, and the milk factory needs fuel. Word.

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Photograph by: Amy Wruble

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