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8 Things Simon Cowell Has Said on TV That He Shouldn't Say to His Kid

OK, let’s not judge how it happened (he knocked up his good friend’s wife). Let’s just all take a moment to congratulate former American Idol judge Simon Cowell on the upcoming birth of his (love) child.

A self-proclaimed bachelor who wasn’t sure he had time to devote to kids, Cowell has (supposedly, it’s not like he told me) assured his gal-pal that he’ll, “Take care of everything.” And since he’s also reportedly told friends he’s not just going to pay for the child but be highly involved, I’m wondering what kind of dad Simon Cowell is going to be? Though he is known for a having a TV bark much worse than his real life bite, Simon Cowell isn’t exactly known for being nurturing or kind.

What if he speaks to his kid the way he speaks to the contestants on X Factor, or his former contestants on American Idol? Here are some things Simon Cowell has said on TV that he should avoid saying to his kid.

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“I won’t remember you in 15 minutes.” (X Factor) A surefire guarantee of a toddler identity crisis.

“There’s a lot of junk in that trunk.” (X Factor) How quickly will that kid be on a diet?

"It was like you had an argument with Britney Spears, got drunk, and decided to scream…” (X Factor) That’s one way to describe a tantrum.

“Your facial expressions are ugly.” (American Idol) Shhh, don’t say that. No newborn is actually cute, but it’s a secret.

"It was like taking a musical sleeping pill.” (X Factor) Doesn’t Cowell know you’re supposed to lie at your kid’s school performances?

“If you’ve got a big mouth and you’re controversial, you’re going to get attention.”

“Years ago I sat on two cats and that's what it sounded like. It was painful.” (X Factor) Most kids’ violin practice sounds terrible, but painful? Ouch.

"You are a complete and utter drama queen.” (American Idol) Yes, Simon, but that’s a baby’s job.

“You are a saucy little thing, aren’t you?” (X Factor) “Saucy” must be British for the more popular American term, “spirited.”

“If you’ve got a big mouth and you’re controversial, you’re going to get attention.” (X Factor) Is this the only life lesson Cowell has for his kid?

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But Cowell isn’t all mean. When he wants to give a compliment, he does. And a compliment from someone who gives them out as rarely as Cowell, means a lot. When Cowell said to an American Idol contestant, “I like you. I actually, really like you,” the contestant was moved to tears, and Cowell’s child will be as well. At the same time, I have a feeling Cowell’s going to find it hard to criticize his latest production.

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