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Mom Trend Alert? The V-Steam

I came across an article this morning about an episode of Tia and Tamera (remember Sister, Sister? Well, now they have a reality show.) going to a spa and getting a V-Steam. Perhaps I’m late to the party on this one, but before reading the article, I had not known about the V-Steam, which is weird because I’m pretty V-focused and thought I was pretty well-informed about anything related to the queen of body parts. But, here I am, learning about something new, learning about the V-Steam, with steam being a health and beauty treatment for your “V” as in, vagina.

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After the initial excitement and surprise, I looked it up to see what it is all about. V-Steam is exactly what it sounds like. It’s a steam “cleaning” of your vag. You sit naked on an open chair with a humidifier underneath you that releases herb-infused steam up into your business for up to 45 minutes.

The crotch cleanse has been a popular treatment in Asia, specifically Korea, where it is known as chai-yok for many years. This craze has made its way over here to America being offered at spas and holistic health centers. The price of a steamy puff to your muff? Anywhere from $20 for a quick squat to a $75 luxury spa session.

Perhaps they’re just blowing steam up our vaginas, but spas offering this treatment claim a long list of benefits. Not only is it supposed to be effective for relaxation and stress relief, but there are claims that it corrects digestive disorders, fights infection, cures hemorrhoids, eases menstrual cramps and regulates hormones. The herbs mugwort and wormwood, which have antifungal and antiviral effects, are the two herbs commonly used to infuse the steam.

Listen, after having two children, I feel like my vagina has given much of herself.

It is said that the hot steam increases the blood flow “down there” which brings those parts more oxygen which improves the healing process and increases fertility—which is one of its biggest purported health benefits. But it is also supposed to “freshen up” the girl junk as well, with some women doing it to simply pamper and freshen up their kitties. So, I guess it’s good for all kinds of cooches—the under active and the overworked.

It is being described as a “trendy” treatment. Just as colonics or anal bleaching were once “trendy.” I couldn’t get into having my ass irrigated, nor chemically burned, but a shot of mugwort to the punany? I really can’t say I’ll rule it out. Who am I kidding? I’ve spent hours on end sitting on those Japanese toilets with the rotating bidet option. Of course I’m going to get a V-Dream, I mean Steam.

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Listen, after having two children, I feel like my vagina has given much of herself. She’s labored (literally) and given it her all in everything she does. Why not give back? She deserves a day at the spa. A day to kick back, get pampered and be revitalized. She deserves a big, herbal steam thank you.

And while I’m at it, I may as well get Vajazzled . . .

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