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9 Signs a Celebrity Marriage Is Over

Photograph by Rex / Rex USA

Boom! Singer Robin Thicke and his wife of eight years, actress Paula Patton, have called it quits. According to the couple’s statement, they’ve “amicably” agreed to separate. Robin was photographed as recently as a month ago smooching a gal that was not his wife. And who can forget that photo of Robin and a “fan” taken in front of a mirror revealing his hand hiking north of her skirt-line (which was already short to begin with)? Sure, the statement says the couple’s split was friendly and mutual, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that Paula got tired of being twerked around.

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Truth be told, it’s rare that a celeb divorce is a surprise at all. Famous folks may like to act like they're not all about instant gratification, but they seem to all get married and divorced in droves. So if you’re following along, it’s pretty easy to tell when your favorite celebrity couple is going to “mutually” separate.

Here’s what to look for:

1. Previous reports of a bad reputation. Sure, we all like to think love conquers all. And it usually does. It just doesn’t conquer the desire to sleep with people you aren’t married to, like your hot young co-star.

2. Tabloid stories of big fights that turn out to be true. Every couple fights. Every couple does not fight in public, with TMZ filming it.

3. Doing a movie with a super-hot co-star. It’s a recipe for disaster. Who can resist Angelina or J.Lo? No one, that’s who.

4. Photographed often with a gorgeous co-star or backup dancer. If you see lots of photos of your favorite celeb hanging out with his or her new bestie who happens to be gorgeous and of the opposite sex, consider yourself warned. The end is near.

5. DUI or other booze- or drug-related arrest. I’m not saying we married people are boring. I am saying that if a married person is sauced at 4 a.m. or gets arrested with a keg in his or her car, he or she is probably not at home with the family.

6. Taking a break. After the DUI and the photograph with the co-star, it’s no surprise the couple makes a statement that they are “on a break.” Breaks usually mean broken, and that’s a sign of the end.

7. No wedding ring. Carol Burnett used to pull on her ear at the end of her show as a sign to her mom. Married celebs take off their wedding ring as a sign to their fans. That sign says, “Single!”

8. Newfound friendship with Sean Penn or Josh Brolin. Good actors, bad influences.

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9. Photographed a lot alone. If married people got to spend time alone, they wouldn’t talk so much about how they just want some time alone. Happily married people are never alone. Trust me.

What follows is always...

10. Statement from the publicist. It’s always amicable, and the couple promises to “continue to co-parent our children in a loving environment.” That’s totally celeb BS. Breakups are never amicable.

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