Uncle Harry was telling me that it’s really hard to be the
younger sibling of the future king and that I should be really nice to the new
baby. Don’t worry. The baby and I will
get along just fine. I’ve even come up with a sweet nickname for the new baby.
I’m going to call it Not George. Though if others prefer to refer to it as The Other
One, that’s OK with me.
Truthfully, I’m more worried about how you guys are going to
handle parenting the both of us than I am about me. Up until now, I’ve
graciously let you spend all your time and attention on me. I’ve even let you
shuttle me around the world so I can help charm some normal people and increase
your Q-rating. But the reality is, once Not George arrives you’re going to miss
So I’ve come up with a bunch of super helpful ways I can
help you out once that baby arrives.
First, I’m going to stop sleeping through the night.
I won’t do it now. I’ll wait until later, like maybe the day
Not George is born. Because chances are
that baby is going to want a little bit of your attention, which you’ll prefer
to give to me. And you’ll say things like, “There’s just not enough time in the
day.” What you’ll really mean is, “George
is my favorite.”
That’s why I’m going to do you and Dad a solid by extending our day well into the night. If I wake up for a good three to four hours in the middle of the night, we’ll have plenty of uninterrupted hours to do some of our favorite things like draw in permanent ink on the palace walls, mash Goldfish crackers into some antiques and dip Great Grandma’s hand in water while she’s sleeping.
Photograph by Rex / Rex USA
Squeee! That game is my favorite.
I am here to make you and Dad’s life easy once Not George arrives.
Mummy, I also thought I’d cling to your leg and cry a lot when
you try to leave the palace. And if you
want I can throw a few really big tantrums so you have to miss a charity event
or public appearance. That way you won’t
have to put on real clothes and do your hair. It could be just you and me all day, every day. Who needs Sir Elton John when you can hang out in sweats with the future king?
Speaking of which, I’m going to fire the nanny.
She’s just a barrier between you and me being together all the time. And since she’s
actually pretty nice, I want to give her ample notice so she can find another
job. So for now, I’ll start slow by throwing a sippy cup or two her way. In a
few weeks, I’ll give her finger a little nibble. I can’t be held responsible if
I draw blood. I may be royalty, but my gross motor skills are totally average.
Once she gets back from the hospital, I’ll start screaming
every time I see her. Then just as Not
George comes home from the hospital, I’ll drop her cell phone in the
toilet. That way when you tell her you
no longer need her services because you want to spend all your time with me,
she’ll be prepared. She may even be relieved, though I am pretty cute even when
The most important thing for you to know is that I’m on your
team. I am here to make you and Dad’s life easy once Not George arrives. You’ll be exhausted and feel like you have no
time for yourself. But don’t worry, I’ll
be up all night screaming and yelling so I can make sure you have plenty of
time for me.