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A Letter From Prince George

Dear Mum and Dad,

Uncle Harry was telling me that it’s really hard to be the younger sibling of the future king and that I should be really nice to the new baby. Don’t worry. The baby and I will get along just fine. I’ve even come up with a sweet nickname for the new baby. I’m going to call it Not George. Though if others prefer to refer to it as The Other One, that’s OK with me.

Truthfully, I’m more worried about how you guys are going to handle parenting the both of us than I am about me. Up until now, I’ve graciously let you spend all your time and attention on me. I’ve even let you shuttle me around the world so I can help charm some normal people and increase your Q-rating. But the reality is, once Not George arrives you’re going to miss me.

So I’ve come up with a bunch of super helpful ways I can help you out once that baby arrives.

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First, I’m going to stop sleeping through the night.

You’re welcome.

I won’t do it now. I’ll wait until later, like maybe the day Not George is born. Because chances are that baby is going to want a little bit of your attention, which you’ll prefer to give to me. And you’ll say things like, “There’s just not enough time in the day.” What you’ll really mean is, “George is my favorite.”

That’s why I’m going to do you and Dad a solid by extending our day well into the night. If I wake up for a good three to four hours in the middle of the night, we’ll have plenty of uninterrupted hours to do some of our favorite things like draw in permanent ink on the palace walls, mash Goldfish crackers into some antiques and dip Great Grandma’s hand in water while she’s sleeping.

Photograph by Rex / Rex USA

Squeee! That game is my favorite.

I am here to make you and Dad’s life easy once Not George arrives.

Mummy, I also thought I’d cling to your leg and cry a lot when you try to leave the palace. And if you want I can throw a few really big tantrums so you have to miss a charity event or public appearance. That way you won’t have to put on real clothes and do your hair. It could be just you and me all day, every day. Who needs Sir Elton John when you can hang out in sweats with the future king?

Speaking of which, I’m going to fire the nanny.

She’s just a barrier between you and me being together all the time. And since she’s actually pretty nice, I want to give her ample notice so she can find another job. So for now, I’ll start slow by throwing a sippy cup or two her way. In a few weeks, I’ll give her finger a little nibble. I can’t be held responsible if I draw blood. I may be royalty, but my gross motor skills are totally average.

Once she gets back from the hospital, I’ll start screaming every time I see her. Then just as Not George comes home from the hospital, I’ll drop her cell phone in the toilet. That way when you tell her you no longer need her services because you want to spend all your time with me, she’ll be prepared. She may even be relieved, though I am pretty cute even when I’m crying.

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The most important thing for you to know is that I’m on your team. I am here to make you and Dad’s life easy once Not George arrives. You’ll be exhausted and feel like you have no time for yourself. But don’t worry, I’ll be up all night screaming and yelling so I can make sure you have plenty of time for me.

XO,

Your firstborn (and best one), George.

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