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On 'I Don’t Mind': Actually, Men DO Mind!

Photograph by Getty Images

Say what?!? Usher’s gone and lost his mind with his recently released song, "I Don’t Mind." Let me start off by saying that I personally wouldn’t mind if I never heard this song again. I’m having a hard time deciding if I’m more offended by the actual lyrics themselves or the complete lack of talent behind them. What happened to you Usher? Are you still that same guy that had me singing at the top of my lungs to "Yeah!" and "Burn"? Is it possible that you peaked at the age of 26?!

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If you haven’t already had your eardrums assaulted with "I Don’t Mind," be prepared to hear lyrics like:

"Shawty, I don’t mind

If you dance on a pole, that don’t make you a ho

Shawty, I don’t mind

When you work until three, if you’re leaving with me

Go make that money, money, money

Your money, money, money

Cause I know how it is, go and handle your biz

And get that money, money, money

Your money, money, money

You can take off your clothes, long as you coming home

Girl, I don’t mind"

I suppose he’s correct. Dancing on a pole doesn’t necessarily make you a ho, but it likely means that something went awry at some point in your life. I started wondering, “Is this how all men feel? Men really don’t mind? All is good in the world as long as I come home to him at 3 a.m.? And make that money, money, money!” I know men and women are wired differently, but this really seemed to be a stretch.

So I did what any working mom of two young children would do. I ignored the piles of laundry, fed them a dinner of rolled lunch meat and cheese sticks and let the dogs clean up the mess so that I could take on a more important role of getting to the bottom of Usher’s lyrics and the male mind. I put on my journalist hat and hit the streets (I sent an email) to ask men of various ages their point of view.

Do you mind if she dances on a pole? Do you feel that makes her a ho?

We can't afford a pole.

“Yes, I mind if she dances on a pole. She might not be a ho, but she’s not wife material in my opinion. Would her hands get callused from the pole? She’d probably need to keep an eye on that.” —Joe, age 38

“I would take issue with it. I think it’s implied she’s a ho.” —Marc, age 47

“We can’t afford a pole. I am 78 and am very sexually active.” —Harvey, age 78 (this is my Dad and clearly didn’t understand my instructions or how to answer questions.)

Do you mind if she works until three, as long as she leaves with you?

“She can work 'til 3, as long as I don’t have to stay past 9.” —David, age 40

“Yes, I mind if she works until 3 a.m. I’d be asleep already … and I’d be starving because she wouldn’t be home to make me dinner. But maybe I’m getting surprised with dessert when she gets home???” —Joe, age 38

“I’m not staying up until 3 a.m. every night. Deal breaker.” —Marc, age 47

Is it OK if she takes off her clothes, as long as she comes home?

“It’s OK if she takes off her clothes, but she’d better bring them home with her because she doesn’t need to be buying any more clothes.” —David, age 40

“No. They’d probably fall on the dirty floor. That would mean we’d (OK, I’d) be doing an abnormal amount of laundry and that’s inconsiderate.” —Joe, age 38

“Only if she was taking them off to put on better clothes. But … no.” —Marc, age 47

If her body is rockin, booty poppin' are you proud to call her your bitch?

“Is this a real question? Since I answered all of these can we talk about your 401k before end of 2014?” —David, age 40 (oh, I forgot to mention he also handles my family’s finances)

“Is this a trick question … like 'When did you stop beating your wife?'” —Marc, age 47

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After all of my research, I felt like the biggest issue with men was the idea of staying up until 3 a.m. waiting for their stripper (aka Shawty) to get home. One way to solve this issue is to change strippers' work shifts so that it’s more of a 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. gig. That would make all sides happy. Regardless of the male point of view, I still think this song sucks monkey balls.

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