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If Amy Schumer Were My Best Friend, I'd Be a Better Mom

Ever since the age of 8, I've wanted one female celebrity or another for my own best friend. Over the years, it's ranged from Molly Ringwald to Winona Ryder to Tina Fey (showing my age, I know). And then, Hollywood gave me the bodacious, frank, unselfconscious Amy Schumer. I'd seen snippets of her comedy here and there, but the moment I saw her parody "booty" video, "Milk, Milk, Lemonade" I knew that I'd found the one: my perfect best friend.

Not only does she get me, with her self-deprecating deflection of the absurd standards of popular culture, being friends with her will make me a better mom for the following reasons:

1. She calls it like she sees it without fear of retribution

Is there any more powerful lesson you can teach a child than speaking truthfully about things they don't feel are right? Whether it's inequality, sexism or just calling out a bully, Amy's frank style of truth-telling as my best friend will help me reinforce these lessons for my son.

RELATED: If Amy Schumer Wrote a Parenting Guide

2. She talks frankly and openly about sex

As the mother of a boy, admittedly I fear the sex talk in the future—but Amy reminds me that young people are growing up with fewer hang ups and more comfort in their own sexuality. Talking to my son openly and frankly will be necessary not only for his own enlightenment, but so that he can behave responsibly in a time when rape culture is rampant. With Amy as my friend, we'll probably just make a music video together that will go viral.

3. She reveres older women

If there's one thing kids always need, no matter what decade, it's more respect for their elders. Not "just because I said so," but because, as Amy makes clear in her adoration of actresses like Julia Louise-Dreyfus, Tina Fey and Patricia Arquette in her "Last Fu*kable Day" sketch, we have a lot to learn from those who came before us. Amy will help remind me to reinforce this point to my son and remind me to stay humble with my own elders.

4. She has a positive body image

With Amy as my friend, not only will I remember to be kind to my own body, but I can teach my son that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.

Not only does Amy talk positively about her own body (though she's honest about her struggles), she makes no effort to whittle herself down to a starving Hollywood standard. With Amy as my friend, not only will I remember to be kind to my own body, but I can teach my son that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes and to look for the person who stimulates his heart and intellect first (and hopefully makes him laugh).

5. She talks about poop

Moms know that for every moment of love and meaning that our children provide, there are 10 more unrewarding moments, many of them full of bodily fluids. Amy doesn't shy away from talking about the reality of living in a body that poops, snorts, farts, bleeds and more, a healthy reminder to our children that bodily functions are normal, healthy and shouldn't be hidden. With Amy as my friend I'll never coyly downplay my period or shame my child for farting loudly.

6. She's young

There's a lot to learn from the young. But Amy, who is a decade younger than me, will also remind me to listen to the youth—my son included—to take him seriously instead of butting heads over rebellions or idealism.

7. She uses humor to discuss tough situations

As Amy's popularity has proven, people respond to humor sometimes more rapidly than a serious discussion. As an already uptight person, with Amy as my best friend, I will loosen up, laugh at myself and find ways to talk about difficult subjects with my child in ways that make us both laugh.

RELATED: Amy Schumer Doll: For You, Not Your Kid

Even if she doesn't choose me as her best friend, I'm glad Amy Schumer is here to comically expose the absurdity of unrealistic standards that all of us are pressured to live by, to present the world with an image of a beautiful woman who isn't just a mannequin, and to boost my mood at the end of a tough day.

Image via Instagram

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