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I Used Subliminal Messaging to Train My Husband (and It Worked*)!

Photograph by Twenty20

When I got married, I vowed never to be that wife who nagged. I kept my promise. That’s because I eventually just sucked it up and did everything myself. Well, until recently, that is.

See, my best friend caved last month and got a family dog. When I came to meet her pup, though, I was horrified. The dog was like a Tasmanian devil toddler.

But the next time I saw my friend, her Cujo pup had turned into Benji. My friend confessed that she'd hired a trainer to teach her how to be the master of her domain—and her dog. “It’s subliminal,” she said. “With the raise of an eyebrow, the tone of my voice or the way I do or don’t look at him, he totally behaves."

In that moment, something clicked. Could subliminal messaging work for my husband?

At the time, I was anything but the master of my domain. I was more like my husband’s roommate/maid instead of his partner and wife. So, I did a little experiment to see if my husband was as trainable, too.

I started with subliminal body language when he’d leave a sink full of dishes for me to wash or his shoes in the middle of the floor. The following week, I started leaving subliminal clues, like playing spa music when he came home from work, which quickly had him offering to give me a back rub. I left out a cookbook written by a male chef, which had my husband eventually offering—no begging—to cook dinner every night.

It was like magic. And it only took two weeks.

Now, if I wear green, he comes home early to help with homework. If I serve orange juice, he tells me I look thin. He’s so well-trained that he’ll even let me hold the remote and pick what we watch, and all I have to do is say the word “Jell-O.”

Turns out, husbands are totally trainable. You just have to give them subliminal messages, and you’ll be sitting back getting your feet rubbed and fed like a queen, just like me.

* Try it—right after you realize you've been punked and wish yourself a happy April Fools' Day.

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