Today in England, something happened more monumental than
the crowning of a new king or the wedding of William and Kate. Prince George started preschool.
Yup, that's right. With his adorable blond mane perfectly coiffed, the world's most famous
toddler (sorry Kim Kardashian but George totally trumps North), put on his
brand new backpack and marched into school. Official reports say George will be
attending Westacre Montessori School a few days a week. And by all accounts,
today's first day went well.
If you're scratching your head wondering how preschool
couldn't go well, then you have clearly been out of the preschool game for far
too long. See, starting preschool can be
one of the most stressful experiences for little ones who are learning to
separate from their parents and socialize with other kids. And with many preschool-aged kids not yet
developmentally ready to control their impulses or emotions, even a little
prince can act like a little terror.
When you're the future King of England everything is a
big deal, especially pre-school. So George, you're probably too young to read,
so ask one of your teachers to read this to you. Here's what you really need to
know about preschool.
1. You're going to be sick more often than you're not
are like walking petri dishes and now you're in school with 15 of
them. You'll be exposed to all sorts of
lovely ailments like Hand Foot and Mouth disease, endless ear and sinus
infections and crap even your pediatrician won't have a name for. Chalk it up to building up your immune system and try not to gag the first time you get sneezed on.
2. It's always snack time in preschool
are required to feed kids at certain times of the day, which means you'll have a snack
about a second after you arrive at school, which will be about an hour before
lunch. Chow down and enjoy! Apples and
cheese are really good.
3. Every class has a biter and a hair puller
even be you.
4. Your mom will come back
Just because your mom is
skipping out of school after she drops you off while yelling, "I'm free!"
doesn't mean she won't come back. Chances are you're going to have so much fun
at preschool you'll be annoyed when she does come back. But just know that
even if you're missing your mommy, the other kids are, too. Moms always come
back so enjoy your finger painting and job board.
5. Peeing in the toilet is totally overrated
the deal, your parents are totally going to freak out about accidents and toilet
training. Meanwhile you'll be thinking,
"What's the big deal? It's not like I'm going to college in diapers." You
won't. So if you miss the toilet or forget you're not wearing a diaper, just be
cool. You won't go to college in diapers even if you're the last kid in class
who gets out of them.
6. Playdates for toddlers are the most horrible thing in the world
Even though you just spent all day with your
new toddler friends, the parents will get the bright idea that you all need to
play more together after school. On that play date, someone will steal your
toy, smack you in the head and boycott sharing. Meanwhile the moms will say, "Let's do it again next week." Playdates suck, even when your playdate is at
7. Cleanliness is overrated
OK your mom and dad spent all morning putting you in the most
adorable outfit. They took a thousand pictures as you entered school. But as
soon as you got in, you realized your sweater would make a great canvas and you
even thought it would be fun to smear your snack all over your face. It's
totally fine. Toddlers are the only people in the world who can be covered in
dirt, paint and food AND still be called cute. Enjoy it while it lasts and pass
8. You'll make lifelong friends in preschool. (And so will your parents).
I don't know what it is about preschool, but
you will make friends you'll know your entire life. And yes, you'll even grow
up to be friends with that biter.
9. You'll never have anything in your backpack
Backpacks are an adorable rite of passage, but a
toddler doesn't exactly need his keys, cell phone, wallet or books. Chances are, you don't even have a lunchbox
in the backpack. That's OK. If a
backpack makes you feel like a big kid, wear it! In just a few short years that
backpack will be filled with keys, a cell phone and a ton of books.
10. Nobody gets in trouble in preschool
Pre-school is a behavior free-for-all with all kinds
of otherwise unacceptable behaviors from licking to biting blamed on
development. In fact, it's really the
only time you can lick another human being and defend your actions by saying,
"I was just curious." Enjoy being curious.
It won't last forever.
11. No, that kid can't read
There's always one in every
pre-school crowd, the kid whose parents swear he can read. Being able to work
an iPad does not constitute reading, so relax and don't feel like you're the
dumb kid in class. No one else can
12. Preschool is usually harder on the parents than the kids
While all the moms and dads may put up
a brave front when they drop their kids off at preschool, they all turn into
weepy worried messes once they get back in their cars. So even if you're
missing your mommy a bit, it's nothing in comparison to how badly she's missing
13. Everyone in preschool is your friend
teachers refer to all the kids as friends, all the kids must be friends