Lifestyle blogger and actress Eva Amurri Martino (also daughter of Susan Sarandon) recently blogged about having to fire her nanny. Actually, her husband, Kyle Martino, had to fire the nanny after the woman "accidentally" sent him a text meant for a friend. The text basically said that the nanny was dying to get into Kyle's pants, and not just so she could take them to the dry cleaners.
I'll admit the facts look bad for the nanny. Really bad. First, she never sent the follow-up "oops!" text, apologizing profusely for mis-sending the text. She also sent that text when Eva was out of town, which suggests she was testing the waters to see if Kyle would follow-up on it. Perhaps worst of all: When she reported for her next shift, Kyle found her waiting ... in the bedroom.
According to Eva, her beloved Kyle did all the right things. While he left their toddler in the nanny's care so he could attend a morning meeting, he later came to his senses. He left the meeting early and went home to give the nanny the news that she was fired. But first he recorded their conversation, which elicited the highest praise from Eva: "This is why my husband is a LEGEND."
His first question was why she had been in the bedroom that morning. Her answer: "Looking for you." He mentioned the inappropriate text, and she said she was sorry. Then, he paid her for the day's wages and let her go forever.
He really is a mensch.
I'm all for giving praise where praise is due, but does it make him a hero that he didn't jump into bed with the nanny while Eva was on a plane?
Except, I personally would not be raving about how amazing my husband was if I were Eva. First, I would be upset if he left our child in this nanny's care for a business meeting. Eva wrote that after getting the steamy text and seeing the nanny in the window, Kyle "let himself into the house, and handed over the baby." Um, WHAT? Under zero circumstances would I hand over my child to a caretaker who had spent the first few minutes of her shift sniffing my undies. And I've had important meetings, too. Just none that are so important that I'd entrust my child to a caretaker who'd proven she did not make good decisions.
We can all agree that the nanny in this story was not in the habit of making good decisions.
Eva also lauds Kyle for being so loyal. I guess so. Maybe. But wasn't he just doing what he was supposed to do? Isn't it common decency for our partners not to be swayed by propositions from outside the marriage? I'm all for giving praise where praise is due, but does it make him a hero that he didn't jump into bed with the nanny while Eva was on a plane? I would have done what Kyle did, but I wouldn't think of calling myself a hero. My husband wouldn't describe me that way, either. I think it's called having integrity and using good judgment.
What really resonated in this story—besides the double standard about men's behavior regarding sex—was the depressing truth that the burden of finding childcare falls on mothers, even in households where both parents work. Eva said it herself: "I had exhausted all my resources trying to find this psycho—Kyle was about to go out of town for 10 days—what on earth was I going to do with zero help and a business to run?" With the horny nanny gone, the childcare problem now belonged to Eva. She also wrote that, in the aftermath of the revelation about her nanny's intentions to bed her hunky husband, that there was another "bone-chilling" realization: "I no longer had childcare."
Yes, it is as disturbing to learn that someone you are paying to watch your child wants to bang your husband as it is to face life without childcare when you are a working mother.
I feel you there, Eva. So does every mother on the planet who has to bring home the bacon. And it's unfortunate that you had a nanny who sexually desired your husband, but it's way, way worse to be stuck with no childcare.