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Perfect Celebrity Baby Registry Picks

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One hundred years ago, I worked as a celebrity personal assistant, and when my boss was preggo I picked out all her baby stuff (at 26-childless-and-unqualified-years-old). Undoubtedly, she ended up with a garage full of crap she didn't need. Or want. Like that wipe warmer, bathtub faucet protector or pacifier/thermometer combo thing that no child has ever kept in her mouth.

So in an effort to streamline the registry process, here are my suggestions for what the next crop of celebrity moms should buy for their nearly-here (or just arrived!) bambinos.

Kate Middleton

Registry Item: Gold Plated High-Chair

Every baby needs a high chair. (How else can mom and dad keep that wild toddler contained at dinner?) But Kate's princess will actually be a princess. She doesn't need a high chair, she needs a high chair worthy of royalty. That means, gold plated (and none of the fake stuff those Real Housewives would try to pass off). Sure, she'll look a little bit like Larry Flynt in his gold-plated wheelchair, but it'll be cute. And regal. Which is exactly what Kate's little princess needs.

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Kristen Bell

Registry Item: Baby Nurse

As Veronica Mars, Kristen Bell solved a crime an episode. But as a new mom, she'll need to be more than a detective to figure out if her kid is crying because he's hungry, tired, cold, warm or just a baby. Instead of getting her a library's worth of useless baby books to help her figure out just what the heck her baby needs, get her a baby nurse: the gift that keeps on taking care of your baby (and knows just what the heck that kid is crying about).

Kim Kardashian

Registry Item: Baby Hair Removal Kit

If this little one has even 1 percent Kardashian genes in her, she's going to need some heavy duty hair removal. And despite the debate, it's never too early to tweeze. So instead of getting a useless pack n' play, Kim needs to get her little one a year pass at the local day spa (reality TV cameras welcome, natch) and a baby tweezing kit for those hard-to-reach eye-bars that only reality star babies seem to grow.

Shannon Miller

Registry Item: Baby Trampoline

All new parents go through the phase when they realize their child is no longer an infant and is instead a tumbling crazy Tasmanian Devil. But gymnast Shannon Miller will probably go through this a bit earlier if genetics have anything to do with it. So don't get her the normal slew of push toys and rocking things; this kid is going to need to jump and jump and jump, making a teeny tiny trampoline just the perfect gift.

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Registry Item: iPod Filled with Kid Music

Remember all those CDs of annoying kid music that nearly made you go postal every time your kid screamed, "Again!" from the back of the car? Well, the only thing worse is having that awkward moment when the neighbors hear your kid singing "My Humps" at the park because mommy sang it on Leno. Fergie's musical collection is going to need to change, stat. If not, get ready for a toddler singing, "Let’s Get It Started" in music class.

Jenna Dewan Tatum

Registry Item: Baby Tap Shoes

With two parents being former dancers, this little baby is a shoe-in to be the next Fred or Freda Astaire. So while relatives and friends love to get newborns expensive pairs of shoes they'll never wear, this one will wear out baby tap or ballet shoes before he/she can walk.

Now, who wants to tell Jessica Simpson to take that leopard-print car seat off her registry?

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