One hundred years ago, I worked as a celebrity personal assistant, and when my
boss was preggo I picked out all her baby stuff (at 26-childless-and-unqualified-years-old). Undoubtedly, she ended up with a garage full of crap she didn't
need. Or want. Like that wipe warmer, bathtub faucet protector or pacifier/thermometer
combo thing that no child has ever kept in her mouth.
So in an effort to streamline the registry process, here are my suggestions for what the next
crop of celebrity moms should buy for their nearly-here (or just arrived!) bambinos.
Registry Item: Gold Plated High-Chair
Every baby needs a high chair. (How else can mom and dad keep that wild toddler
contained at dinner?) But Kate's princess will actually be a princess. She doesn't need a
high chair, she needs a high chair worthy of royalty. That means, gold plated (and none
of the fake stuff those Real Housewives would try to pass off). Sure, she'll look a
little bit like Larry Flynt in his gold-plated wheelchair, but it'll be cute. And regal.
Which is exactly what Kate's little princess needs.
As Veronica Mars, Kristen Bell solved a crime an episode. But as a new mom, she'll
need to be more than a detective to figure out if her kid is crying because he's hungry,
tired, cold, warm or just a baby. Instead of getting her a library's worth of useless baby
books to help her figure out just what the heck her baby needs, get her a baby nurse: the
gift that keeps on taking care of your baby (and knows just what the heck that kid is
Registry Item: Baby Hair Removal Kit
If this little one has even 1 percent Kardashian genes in her, she's going to need some heavy duty hair removal. And despite the debate, it's never too early to tweeze. So instead of getting a useless pack n' play, Kim needs to get her little one a year pass at the local day
spa (reality TV cameras welcome, natch) and a baby tweezing kit for those hard-to-reach
eye-bars that only reality star babies seem to grow.
Registry Item: Baby Trampoline
All new parents go through the phase when they realize their child is no longer an
infant and is instead a tumbling crazy Tasmanian Devil. But gymnast Shannon Miller
will probably go through this a bit earlier if genetics have anything to do with it. So don't
get her the normal slew of push toys and rocking things; this kid is going to need to jump
and jump and jump, making a teeny tiny trampoline just the perfect gift.
Remember all those CDs of annoying kid music that nearly made you go postal every
time your kid screamed, "Again!" from the back of the car? Well, the only thing worse is
having that awkward moment when the neighbors hear your kid singing "My Humps" at the park because mommy sang it on Leno. Fergie's musical collection
is going to need to change, stat. If not, get ready for a toddler singing, "Let’s Get It Started" in music class.
Jenna Dewan Tatum
Registry Item: Baby Tap Shoes
With two parents being former dancers, this little baby is a shoe-in to be the next Fred or
Freda Astaire. So while relatives and friends love to get newborns expensive pairs of
shoes they'll never wear, this one will wear out baby tap or ballet shoes before he/she can
Now, who wants to tell Jessica Simpson to take that leopard-print car seat off her