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I Wish These Celebs Were My Parents

I have a confession. As a kid I used to have this recurring daydream: Robert Redford was my dad and Stephanie Powers my mom. (Or Maybe Mrs. Hart from Hart to Hart, played by Stephanie Powers was my mom, tough to differentiate.) They seemed perfect and I figured if I was their kid, my life would be perfect, too.

OK, I know nothing about either of them. It’s pretend. I was a kid. Go with it.

I’ve since grown up. There’s a whole new crop of celebs to play pretend house with. So here are my picks for the dreamiest celeb moms and dads of today (no offense to Ms. Powers).

THE PERFECT CELEB MOMS:

Jennifer Garner

She was fabulous on Alias, but she’s even better on the playground. Why? Jennifer Garner actually seems to be one of the rare celebs who’s ever in the same vicinity as her kids, she lets herself be photographed in total mom-wear (of course she still looks amaze-balls) and she doesn’t cart her kids around to celeb stuff. They seem to cart her around to kid stuff. And if you watched Alias you know she can kick some serious butt, which is handy for dealing with the occasional playground bully.

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Tina Fey

This mom is a super duper star. She created her very own, incredibly successful sitcom, she's BFF with Amy Poehler and Alec Baldwin, and yet seems to be the most down-to-earth Hollywood mom you would ever meet. Plus, the jokes around the dinner table have got to be killer.

Kelly Ripa

First of all, she works from 9 a.m. to 10 a.m., so she can totally be home to help with homework. She’s raising her kids in New York City, which is totally amazing AND she seems like a nice gal. She’s not only likable, but she also seems like a good mom. So if Kelly’s looking for a fourth baby who’s older than she is, I’m in.

THE PERFECT CELEB DADS:

Adam Sandler

Definitely the most fun guy around, Adam Sandler is a great choice for your make-believe dad. He’s funny enough by himself, just in case your iPad craps out on the way to the Grand Canyon or Yosemite. Then dad can entertain you! He may even sing the Hannukah song.

But what’s best about Adam Sandler is he makes movies geared toward adults with a kid’s sense of humor—that means he has a kid’s sense of humor. Think of all the fun you’ll have when he says, “Pull my finger.” You can respond, “No, dad you pull my finger” knowing full well he’ll do it.

Matt Damon

He’s smart, seems down-to-earth and he’s got like a bazillion kids of his own already, what’s one more? Not only does he make good movies, but he also does something that few celebrities do: He stays out of trouble, saving his kids from doing the walk of shame into school because dad decided to go on a bender in Vegas the night before. For a humiliation-free celeb dad, Matt Damon is the way to go.

Hugh Jackman

He can sing, he can dance AND he doesn’t have to pretend to be a wolf when playing dress up—he really is one. Plus, he’ll read you bedtime stories with that awesome Australian accent. Sure, he’ll probably serve Vegemite for breakfast for the rest of your life, but who cares when Wolverine’s your dad?

OTHER SUPER CELEB PARENTS, MAYBE:

Jack Nicholson

OK, not your first choice for “Dad of The Year,” since there’s a chance your only meal would come with an olive or a twist, BUT you’ll have fun. Why finger-paint when dad can make balloon animals out of condoms? And who needs a babysitter when dad’s latest girlfriend is just a few years older than you? You say babysitter, I say new best friend.

Plus, when you’re working on your “Jack Nicholson” impersonation for the school talent show, you’ll be able to learn from the best.

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Bill Clinton

Picture this: You and your high school besties think it’s a super idea to cut school and head to the mall. Until, that is, you get caught by the principal, who immediately calls mom and dad, who are totally pissed off.

But not Bill.

See, Bill Clinton has the kind of public screw-ups that make it hard for him to get too mad at the C you got in chemistry or the speeding ticket you got going 100 mph in a 20 mph zone. Plus, you know when Bill cooks, it’s going to be tasty, fried and delicious. There’s no quinoa at Bill’s table, not unless it’s covered in gravy.

Victoria Beckham

Every time I see Posh Spice photographed with her three boys and baby Harper in hand, I think, “I want in.” Sure, she never smiles, but that’s because she’s saving all her energy to carry her newborn daughter around while wearing 4-inch heels.

You’ll spend most of your childhood on an airplane, and you’ll never hear a lullaby other than, “Tell Me What You Want, What You Really Really Want”, but your godmother will be Baby Spice and your mom will teach you how to walk in heels before you can actually walk.

And last but not least: Ryan Gosling

Get your mind out of the gutter! This is my pretend dad we’re talking about. It's just, there’s nothing better Ryan Gosling walking into preschool and saying, “Hey Girl,” and pointing to you.

So who’s your super celeb mom or dad?

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