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Kickstarter Campaigns for Moms

Photograph by Getty Images

Zach Braff wants your cash. If you don’t know who Zach Braff is, he’s the doe-eyed kid (grown man) from the TV show, Scrubs. It was on for a bunch of years, which means Zach made a ton of cash. In fact, Braff reportedly made about $350 thousand per episode on the hit show, making him worth a little over $20 million.

But still, he started a Kickstarter campaign (you know that groovy crowd-funding website that allows anyone to ask anyone for money?) Despite his own wealth, Braff wants you and me to give him the 2 million bucks he needs to make a movie. Within days, his campaign exceeded its goal.

Zach Braff isn’t alone. It seems like anyone who has everything is asking normal folks for cash—from the makers of the Veronica Mars movie to singer Morrissey.

Remember when there was a full line item on your budget for “clothing” or “beauty”?

Whether rich or poor, I don’t know a mom in the world who isn’t doing without because her kids need something. Remember life before kids? Remember when there was a full line item on your budget for “clothing” or “beauty”? And then remember the year it got crossed out and replaced with “diapers” or “onesies?” That was the year you became a mom. That was the year you stopped spending money on yourself.

So it occurred to me, if super wealthy TV stars can ask normal folks for cash, why can’t a mom? Some suggested Kickstarter campaigns for moms:

“My Vagina Thinks It’s 1972!”

You used to think personal grooming was a necessity, now your little one needs A&D ointment, and the big one needs to wear a soccer uniform. So things like bikini waxes and haircuts don’t feel so necessary anymore. But every time you get out of the shower, the hubs makes the same joke, “Oh, I see the ‘70s are back,” causing you to rethink the word, “necessity.”

“My Kid Is 14 & It’s Time I Lost the Baby Weight”

You haven’t been to the gym in so long that you still think they’re doing step aerobics. And while you keep saying you want to lose a few, you don’t really have the cash to join the gym. Even though you rented those P90X tapes, you’ve never actually opened them. You need to get out of the house if you want to get out of those fat pants. With the help of a few hundred donors, that gym membership is yours.

“The Skin on My Feet Is Sharp Enough to Cut Glass”

From dance class to taekwondo, your kids get to do it all. They can never say they’ve been neglected. Too bad the same can’t be said of your feet. The last pedicure you had was the one you had on the way to the hospital to deliver Baby No. 1. That was a long time ago. Sure, it’s not a movie by a famous TV star, but pedicures can change the world, too. Just look at your feet. Yikes.

“Mexication, the Home Movie!”

You and the hubs have been saying you need a serious vacation since your honeymoon. That was five years and two kids ago. You’ve been saying, “Calgon, take me away” for the past half-decade, but now it’s, “Kickstarter, take me away.” If Morrissey can fund a record, why can’t you fund a vacation? Rome wasn’t built in day, but you can fly there in one.

“Please, I Just Need a Couch!”

Who has the money to buy that new living room set when there’s braces to pay for and car seats to buy? Other people doing some crowd-funding, that’s who! If you’ve been sitting on the same couch since college and your kids are about to start freshman year at your alma mater, it’s time to upgrade. And why pay for it yourself when hardworking, total strangers can?

Now, what Kickstarter campaign would you start if you could? Good luck! And hey, I love that new couch.

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