never used to drink coffee. Like, at all. Or soda or tea for that matter. I was
one of those people who would get so jittery on caffeine that I just avoided it at
all costs. Then when I was 25, I was diagnosed with endometriosis and told that
caffeine was one of the main things I should give up.
While no one could explain to me why or how caffeine might affect my condition,
it wasn't that big a deal. Continuing to abstain was easy.
Just days before my daughter was born, I caved and had my first coffee in years. Ours was an unusual adoption, and I had been given only one
week's notice to prepare for this baby I hadn't even been looking for (I was
actually getting my foster care license with the plan to eventually adopt an
older child.) The panic of that week of frenzied preparations can't really be
put into words. There was so much to be done, and so little time; I had to do
in days what most people accomplished over months. Then, even when I did try to
sleep, my brain was so awake with excitement and fear and emotions I didn't
really know how to process. So when I realized I was a total zombie one day,
and that my little girl could be born at any point now, coffee felt like a
Coffee has become a bit of a necessity in my world, and it is all my child's fault.
I hadn't been expecting was how much it would help. My brain felt alive again.
I could form full sentences once more, smile and interact. I was even able
to get things done at work, which I'm not sure anyone actually expected me to
be capable of. Coffee was pretty much my savior.
So what happened next should come as no surprise. When my little girl was
finally in my arms, and the real sleepless nights began, caffeine became a
necessity. Because in the months that followed, I was still trying
to prepare our home for her (the crib and rocker needed to be built, and the
nursery needed to be painted), work from home (because not
knowing I would be adopting an infant, I hadn't squirreled money away for
maternity leave) and take care of a newborn full-time, on my own.
daughter was nearly 5 months old before she went to daycare for the first time,
something I put off for as long as I could. During most of that initial period
of motherhood, I was mothering all day and working all night.
don't think I could have done any of it without coffee.
thing is, I'm not sure exactly how addictive caffeine is, but I can tell you
that my daughter is now nearly 3 years old, and I still can't give it up.
Coffee has become a bit of a necessity in my world, and it is all my child's
her defense, I still work from home, often far too late and far too often. But
pre-kid, that was never a problem. It is only now, when a tiny little human can
be counted on to pry my eyelids open every morning, that my late nights spent
typing seem a little unmanageable.
course, I manage them. Because … coffee.
If there are any mothers of young children out there surviving without it, I would like to meet them.
worst part is, I can absolutely tell the difference caffeine has over my
typical endometriosis pain levels. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it
makes my condition worse. But I seriously can't stop. I have tried. I'll go a
few days, maybe even a week, but then I'm dying for it. My head hurts, I've got
the shakes, and I feel like I can't accomplish anything.
a good thing I've never tried cocaine. I'm pretty sure I would be a fan.
that's the thing … coffee is legal crack. And as a single mother, working as a
freelancer from home (which basically amounts to fighting for work, MMA style,
every single day) it's a much-needed boost I can't seem to survive without.
Screw wine and chocolate, coffee is my motherhood vice. And if there are any
mothers of young children out there surviving without it, I would like to meet
them. Mostly so that I could tell them I think they are full of crap.