It was never my intention to go out with a married man. Home
alone and hungry, I laughed and placed an ad online asking if
anyone wanted to take me out to dinner. Your husband was one of many men who
replied and he made me smile when he told me that he was glad I was a black
woman because that’s what he likes.
So I went to meet him downtown. It wasn’t a fancy affair. He
wore his favorite jeans, that green shirt you’ve seen him in plenty of times
with those well-worn flip flops, and I wore my favorite comfortable purple
dress. He looked like he had just arrived in town, which was true. He told you
he was away on business.
We hugged and sat down to eat. He told me that I could order
whatever I wanted to. Immediately he began to tell me about his job, his
passions as an artist and his life with you. I listened intently, curious to
hear about why he chose to meet with me if he had you at home. After the usual
boasting about what a great mom you are and how you changed careers recently
and are now even happier than ever, he relaxed a little more, sipped on his
beer and shared his heart with me.
Apparently you are his first love but you weren’t his only
love. He loved another woman after you and you found out about it but didn’t
leave him. That let him know that he could do it again and he has, quite a few
times. I can tell he loves you and is
committed to his family, your children and the life you have built together. He
even told me about the time you sacrificed your desires and put him first and
how he really appreciated that.
But you are lacking in some areas, which leads him to seek
me out. Is it true that you never initiate sex with him? He said once he tested
you by not initiating sexual contact at all to see if you would crack and — 8
weeks later he had to give in because he wanted you, but he didn’t think you
Do you listen to him? It doesn’t seem like it. His eyes lit
up as I complimented his work ethic and communication skills. He’s really quite
charming and disarming. I felt so good with him and laughed easily with him. Do
you appreciate that about him? As we drove away from the restaurant he told me
a story and then got this far away look in his eyes. When I asked him what that
was about he said, “I told my wife that story and I could tell she wasn’t
I don’t know if it’s you, me or him that’s the issue here. Maybe there isn’t an issue at all.
We went on to go out dancing, sharing a drink in Chinatown
under the stars. We fumbled our way into a diner at 2 a.m. to pour out our souls
over a brownie sundae and a milkshake. He doesn’t know if there is anywhere
left to go in his career. He wants to create art for a living but knows it
isn’t functional. He worries about being able to take care of your children and
send them to college without any problems. He’s proud of the life he created
but he needs a break sometimes, and he tells me that his work assignments that
send him away from home are the break he needs as your children grow older.
Remember that vacation you guys just took together earlier
this year? He gushed about it. He was so proud to offer you that experience. He
has lots of plans for you and your children, lots of ideas but he does wonder
if there’s more to life than what he has.
I asked him why he won’t be polyamorous if he obviously
enjoys engaging with other women and still wants to keep his wife. He said in
another lifetime he would be, but in this one he won’t break your heart.
He loves you but he needs me. Not specifically me, but
someone like me, someone who thinks he is special and treats him that way. I
have no false sense of superiority. I know that I am easily replaceable.
Listen, he does love you even though he strays. You just don’t know it. Or
maybe you do and you don’t care.
So he sneaks around with me, smiling with me, laughing with
me, inviting me back to his hotel room, hoping that I can offer him the
attention and adoration that you won’t offer him because you’re probably bored
with him after so many years.
I looked into his eyes as we sat together, his blue eyes
tinged a slight pinkish color because he was tired from our night out cavorting
through the streets of LA.
“What if your wife has a man on the side?” I ask him. “Would
you be upset?”
He hesitated for a second and then responded, “I am willing
to discuss this openly with both of them.”
“You wouldn’t be mad?”
“If it made her happy,” he began. “I mean, the thought of
her being proactive in obtaining sexual satisfaction would make me proud of
her, while also feeling inadequate for not being able to provide what was