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Dear Judgy Single People With No Kids

Photograph by Getty Images

At first I found it funny that you were so concerned about the future of the neighborhood children. Your comments on the way they were dressed, how aggressively they were playing and whether or not you thought they would grow up to become cops or prostitutes really made me laugh. Things began to take a different turn when I sat in shocked silence as you described your sister’s child as a heathen and remarked that she needed to take control of the situation or her child would eventually kill her. You then hopped into your shiny Black BMW and sped off to meet your newest boy toy.

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Ahh. The luxury of being able to criticize and then turn the channel and focus on your own life. Most parents don’t get to do that. When we make a decision that impacts our children we can’t just turn around and focus on something else. Every move we make and every word we say is often debated and berated within our own minds because we understand that every action we take has a ripple effect on our children. Besides the obvious fact that you are so eager to point out, we do admit that for the most part, we don’t know what we are doing. We are winging it and every child is different, so we adjust to their personalities and try different tactics to get through to them.

While we’re juggling our own lives, fears and desires, we’re trying to groom our children into self-sufficient little beings, and when you waltz in making your smug comments about our parenting skills without going through the initiation of having to hold out your hand and allow a toddler to throw up in it, what we really want to do is punch you in the face.

We’re taking on the duties of parental responsibility without being qualified, and our stretch marks tell the war stories of labor.

You don’t know anything about this. You won’t know until you are sleeping in a spot of urine because your child has wet the bed while sleeping with you, and you are too damn tired of get up and clean it. Did you wrinkle your nose at the thought? All the more reason why you should stick to criticizing the ladies on reality TV, at least their lives are more realistic to you than what you think ours is all about.

You are not an expert at parenting. No one is. It is nowhere near as easy as you think it is. These are actual people that we have to keep alive and somehow try to teach how to navigate in this world—especially when everything in them wants to resist us as they seek to define themselves outside of our influence. It’s like trying to hold back a tidal wave with an open palm.

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We’re taking on the duties of parental responsibility without being qualified, and our stretch marks tell the war stories of labor. Unless you have them, you can think whatever you want, just don’t say it. Or we’ll give our kids the secret signal to throw up on your shoe.

Try us.

-Moms Across the World

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