Join Club Momme for exclusive access to giveaways, discounts and more!

Sign up

9 Aging Mom Facts You Need to Make Peace With

I just spent three weeks nonstop with my children. Having an overabundance of unstructured time, visiting family and friends we don't see regularly, on top of the sentimental reflection that comes with the holidays, one inescapable fact has landed on me:

I have gotten older.

I don't just mean I've aged. Heck, I can look down at my hands and see that. I mean, my childhood is now a considerable distance away from me. Hard as it is to admit, those years referred to as "youth" aren't that much closer. But this is not all bad news! Why? Because I am taking a hint from every life coach everywhere and choosing to decide that all this time on planet Earth has given me some juicy wisdom that I am able to share with you as 2015 unfolds.

To ward off panic and self-loathing from the incomprehensible speed of the passing of time, and the toll it takes on your mind and body, I have put together a handy "acceptance and response" checklist for you (and me, for God's sake) to refer to when we're feeling irritated by our inability to retain the glow and mental dexterity of a single twentysomething for eternity.

1. There will be chin hairs.

And other random hairs growing out of orifices where you've never seen them before. You are not the only woman to grow these. As long as they are not sprouting out of your tongue, you're OK. But to conform to society, and so people are not distracted by them wafting in the breeze as you run your PTA meetings, you will need to pluck them. Keep a tweezer on hand at all times. They're mysterious and, like underwear on the floor, can appear seemingly out of nowhere.

2. In addition to you and your offspring, your parents will also be growing older.

Taking care of everyone, particularly at the same time, will often inspire the use of mind-altering substances. Many of them are even legal. I'm speaking of course, about doughnuts.

RELATED: I Thought Mom's Alzheimer's Would Get Less Devastating

3. You will pay for memory loss.

If you try to be Eco Mom and save a tree by borrowing books instead of buying them, you will forget when they are due and eventually even lose a library book or two. Pay the fine quickly. As you sign your name to the check, tell yourself you are making a contribution to the National Library Association or some organization that sounds like this.

4. Sometimes it's best to eat your feelings.

After spending the day driving small people you either birthed, or agreed to raise, from one activity to another without a single, unprompted "thank you," when faced with a clear plastic container holding chocolate-covered anything, it is likely you will eat the whole darn thing in one sitting. According to my FB feed, you are not alone. Thank God, you have the rest of your life to go on a juice fast.

In your efforts to meet all family members' needs first, you will neglect a throbbing tooth long enough that it may turn into a root canal situation.

5. You will learn to make do (and take up the consequences in therapy).

Sometimes you will get to a swimming pool that is not in your backyard and realize you've forgotten a bathing suit. Either you, or one of your children, will be forced to go into the water in a public space in something barely resembling a bathing suit. No one will care. Except a self-conscious pre-teen, but everyone needs something to talk about in therapy when they're older.

6. You will ignore airplane oxygen mask advice.

In your efforts to meet all family members' needs first, you will neglect a throbbing tooth long enough that it may turn into a root canal situation. It will be painful, you will dribble latte on your shirt as milky coffee slips over your anesthetized lip after the appointment. But, you will make your dentist happy.

Turn on your version of an Eminem/Rihanna Pandora station as loud as you want, take off your clothes and dance around naked.

7. You will recognize that your car needs to be washed.

This insight could last for weeks, or months, without affecting your behavior in the slightest.

8. Your eyelashes will get thinner.

And thinner. You can do stuff to make them look thicker, or you could save yourself the mess and expense, accept this follicular attrition as biological fact and then celebrate the only area of your body where you have lost weight effortlessly.

RELATED: Eating My Way Through Alzheimer's

9. After extended periods of time with your family, you will be desperate for some (any) time alone.

Finally, the day will come when everyone will either go to work, get on the bus or get dropped off, and you will get exactly what you want. As the last door closes, placing one of these terribly draining people firmly on the other side of it, the resultant silence will take your breath away. Turn on your version of an Eminem/Rihanna Pandora station as loud as you want, take off your clothes and dance around naked. Sing all the swear words, really loudly. When it gets a Nicki Minaj song, turn it off, flop on the couch and decide it's time figure out what you are going to do for the next 30 years.

Until Bruno Mars comes on, and it's time to dance again.

Explore More: advice
More from kids