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Open Letter to My Kids: Go to Bed

Dearest Children,

Why won’t you go to bed? I’m DYING to go to bed. In fact, can I take a nap right now?

I’m exhausted. Why aren’t you exhausted? Today, you went to school, had a playdate, did homework and then ran around the house like lunatics for over an hour. You have soccer practice, piano lessons and more birthday parties than I can keep track of.

RELATED: The Case for Regular Bedtimes

Surely one of these things should have tired you out. No?

I know I should enjoy this time in your life — when you are energetic, still love hugs from mommy and cuddle with me at night before you go to bed. And I do enjoy it. I love taking you to the playground, to the beach, to friends’ houses and birthday parties. But at the end of the day, I’m drained. Aren’t you?

You don’t go to bed at night. You need a glass of water. You want just one more book. One more song. One more hug. And I get that. Really, I do. But then will you go to sleep? By the time I get you to sleep, it’s all I can do to wash my face, brush my teeth and fall into bed. I mean, of course, I do like to watch "The Mindy Project" before I go to sleep. And "Scandal." And maybe a little "America’s Next Top Model." And sure, I need a glass of water.

You don’t even have the decency to sleep until 6. Before I had you, I only saw 5 a.m. if it was from staying out the night before.

But I digress.

Once you finally go to bed, you get up in the middle of the night. Sometimes, I have nightmares too. But I don’t feel the need to wake the entire house up to announce it. In fact, I usually just go back to sleep. And then analyze it in therapy. Would you like to go to therapy? I can arrange that. But only if you promise to sleep through the night.

You wake up for the day at 5 a.m. You don’t even have the decency to sleep until 6. Before I had you, I only saw 5 a.m. if it was from staying out the night before.

Again, I digress.

RELATED: The 5 Stages of Parent Exhaustion

My wants are reasonable: for you to get into bed at a reasonable hour, for you to go to sleep without argument. Without a bargaining session. Without emotional terrorism. And then I’d really love it if you could stay in your bed all night without getting up out of it, without leaving your room and without waking anyone else. And is 7 a.m. really too much to ask? Some other mommies I know are asking for 8 a.m. I’m only asking for the sun to be up before you come into my room. I think we can agree that the sun rising means it’s really, truly morning. I’m hardly asking for that much.

Oh, and I’d really like that glass of water, please.

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