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6 Things Kids Say That the Rest of Us Only Think About

The other day I brought my 3-year-old daughter to my doctor's appointment. After a long spell spent waiting for the doctor, she finally arrived. My daughter loudly asked, “Mom, why did we have to wait so long?” The doctor smirked, I stammered, and my wide-eyed daughter waited for an answer.

Alternately embarrassing and hilarious, our kids are constant sources of brutal honesty and pure, uncensored humanity. Here are six things our kids say that we might wish we could get away with:

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1. “I have to poop!”

We all get that feeling. Maybe you’re sitting at work or driving home or God forbid on a run when the sneaking sensation arrives. A bowel movement is imminent! Get thee to a bathroom, pronto! Most—but not all—of us outgrow the need to announce it in the excited way we’d announce the arrival of a dear friend at the (back) door.

2. “Can we eat cake yet?”

Us grown-ups are wondering the same thing. We just try to hide it as we politely nibble on carrot sticks.

You just arrived at little Jo-Jo’s birthday party and your daughter Irish whispers, “When can I have some cupcakes?” With the velvety scent of chocolate hanging in the air, us grown-ups are wondering the same thing. We just try to hide it as we politely nibble on carrot sticks.

3. “How come it’s not MY birthday?”

While I’m at an age where I’d prefer to space out my birthdays more, I do understand the jealous yearning that can arrive while celebrating someone else. All that attention! All those presents! What about ME?!?

4. “NO FAIR!”

I have a competitive enough spirit that I’m not allowed to play air hockey with my kids. But while I might pout a bit when I don’t win a game, I have learned that being sent back to the beginning of Candyland isn’t the end of the world. And it won’t help to slam my body down to the ground, kick my legs wildly and hold my breath until my face turns purple. But sometimes? I really want to.

5. “Hey Mom! Look!”

While it might be amusing if I decided to poke one of my nipples out of my shirt while in line at the grocery store, or expose a demure flash of labia during a playdate, I have (mostly) outgrown the urge to expose my genitalia in public. My children are still working on this milestone.

6. “My BUM itches!”

I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve seen kids—my own and others—scratching or fondling their nether regions. Just as everybody poops, everybody gets itchy and/or fondle-y sometimes. It’s only a matter of time before they learn to scratch and touch in secret shame like the rest of us.

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While sometimes they seem like uncivilized little urchins, our kids are just more honest and less able to control their impulses than most adults. Don’t worry. It won’t be long until they repress and dampen their pure little selves like the rest of us.

Image via Twenty20/maureen_nuradhi

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