The other day I brought my 3-year-old daughter to my
doctor's appointment. After a long spell spent waiting for the doctor, she
finally arrived. My daughter loudly asked, “Mom, why did we have to wait so
long?” The doctor smirked, I stammered, and my wide-eyed daughter waited for an
Alternately embarrassing and hilarious, our kids are
constant sources of brutal honesty and pure, uncensored humanity. Here are six
things our kids say that we might wish we could get away with:
We all get that feeling. Maybe
you’re sitting at work or driving home or God forbid on a run when the sneaking
sensation arrives. A bowel movement is imminent! Get thee to a bathroom,
pronto! Most—but not all—of us outgrow the need to announce it in the excited way
we’d announce the arrival of a dear friend at the (back) door.
2. “Can we eat cake yet?”
Us grown-ups are wondering the same thing. We just try to hide it as we politely nibble on carrot sticks.
You just arrived at
little Jo-Jo’s birthday party and your daughter Irish whispers, “When can I
have some cupcakes?” With the velvety scent of chocolate hanging in the air, us
grown-ups are wondering the same thing. We just try to hide it as we politely
nibble on carrot sticks.
3. “How come it’s not MY birthday?”
at an age where I’d prefer to space out my birthdays more, I do understand the
jealous yearning that can arrive while celebrating someone else. All that
attention! All those presents! What about
4. “NO FAIR!”
I have a competitive enough spirit
that I’m not allowed to play air hockey with my kids. But while I might pout a
bit when I don’t win a game, I have learned that being sent back to the
beginning of Candyland isn’t the end of the world. And it won’t help to slam my
body down to the ground, kick my legs wildly and hold my breath until my face
turns purple. But sometimes? I really want to.
5. “Hey Mom! Look!”
While it might be amusing if I decided
to poke one of my nipples out of my shirt while in line at the grocery store,
or expose a demure flash of labia during a playdate, I have (mostly) outgrown
the urge to expose my genitalia in public. My children are still working on
6. “My BUM itches!”
I’ve lost count of the number
of times I’ve seen kids—my own and others—scratching or fondling their nether
regions. Just as everybody poops, everybody gets itchy and/or fondle-y
sometimes. It’s only a matter of time before they learn to scratch and touch in
secret shame like the rest of us.
While sometimes they seem like uncivilized
little urchins, our kids are just more honest and less able to control their
impulses than most adults. Don’t worry. It won’t be long until they repress and
dampen their pure little selves like the rest of us.